Page 23 of F*cking Shattered

“What’s that?” he whispers, eyes still locked on mine.

I stand up straight, causing him to do the same. “You have to help me cross off this list. It has to be done by the end of summer.”

He grins. “That I can do.”

* * *

We meet up at the car rental bright and early the next morning, each with our bags.

“Are you ready?” I ask him.

“You got the list?”

I nod and smile before tossing my bag into the trunk.

I get behind the wheel and start the car while he takes the seat next to me. As I’m pulling out of the parking lot, he asks, “so where is this list?”

I reach into my purse between us and pull out the notebook, handing it over to him. He leans back in his seat, reading over every item.

It’s quiet for a long time while I follow along the route I mapped out. Finally, he tosses the notebook on top of my purse. “I think we can get all this done by the end of the summer.”

“Really?” I look over at him with a big smile.

He nods. “Yeah, I mean, some are simple, everyday things. How have you made it this far without doing a keg stand?”

I laugh out loud. “Katie and I went to a party once, and she was determined to get me to do one. She never managed it though. Leave it to her to pull it over on me now.”

He grows silent as he turns his eyes back to the road. “Katie made this list?”

I didn’t even mean to talk about her. It was such a fun memory, it just slipped out when he mentioned it. A shadow of sadness falls over me. “Yeah.”

“Why are you taking this trip? Wasn’t Katie’s plane heading toward Miami when it crashed?”

His question makes my blood run cold. I tighten my grip on the steering wheel. I wasn’t prepared to talk about her, about any of this. God, if I had only kept my mouth shut.

I nod, not able to find my voice.

“What is it you hope to achieve by taking this trip?” He’s not being an asshole, he genuinely sounds interested. Like maybe he’s afraid it will fall short for me and he doesn’t want me to be let down.

I suck my bottom lip into my mouth and bite it while thinking it over. I want to answer his question, but I don’t want to give away too much to make him ask more. Talking about Katie, it’s not something I’m ready to do yet. Every time I hear her name, a pain slices through me. The wound is still too fresh, and talking about her is like pouring acid over that wound.

He’s staring at me, waiting for my answer so I take a deep breath. “She asked me to go on that trip with her, but I said no. I couldn’t afford it, and I didn’t want her paying my way. And then after…” I hope he knows what I mean by after because I can’t mention the crash or her death. “I found a letter from her. She wanted me to join her.”

“You’re not hoping to get there and have some sort of sign or spiritual connection, are you?”

I look over at him and see how worried he is.

I laugh. “No, that’s insane. I’m just taking the trip she never got to. I have to live for the both of us now.” I pull the necklace George gave me with her ashes, out from under the collar of my shirt. “She’s taking this trip with me.”

His eyes flicker down to the charm in my hand and his eyes glaze over with sadness before he turns his head back to the road. “What is that?”

“It’s her ashes. Well, some of her ashes. George gave it to me that day at his house.”

He nods but lines form around his eyes.

“Are you mad about something?”

“No, why would you think that?” he asks, still not looking at me.

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