Page 70 of F*cking Shattered

We’re not taking our time with one another. We can’t. This is hard and fast, our bodies automatic response to one another.

It’s a primal need deep inside us to completely fucking own the one we love. It’s bone deep. It can’t be ignored because it’s not something we chose. We may both be broken beyond repair with all the loss and hurt we’ve dealt with in our lives, but we find relief in each other. We found love: an earth shattering, take you over, explosive kind of love. Something that can’t be ignored no matter how hard we try. I can’t run from it. I can’t hide from it. It consumes me. It completely fucking shatters me.

He thrusts into me deep and hard. I’m calling out, he’s breathing erratically and the room is filled with the sounds of our calls of passion, as we both find our release together. My nails bite into his back as his hands hold my hips tightly. He shudders as he pushes into me one last time before he slows and comes to a stop on top of me.

He leans back so he can look into my eyes. “You did it.”

I wipe away a bead of sweat that’s forming on his brow. “I did what?”

“You finished the list. What are you going to do now?”

I smile. “Help you finish yours.”

Our lips crash together as our tongues swirl around, giving, taking, loving.

Katie knew what she was doing when she made us those lists. I can only hope she’s smiling down on us right now, happy that she got her way again.

I know a part of me will miss Katie the rest of my life, but she gave me so much. She taught me how to let go of what society deems acceptable. She taught me to laugh and have fun, how to put myself out there and accept the consequences. She gave me friends, life lessons that I will use every day, and she gave me River. Strong, wild and free, River.

He helped me in more ways than I thought possible. He helped me let go of Katie. He showed me what it was like to love and be loved. He helped me finish my list. And if I know one thing, and one thing only, it is that I will help him finish his.

Epilogue

“Jovi, I can’t do this.” I shake my head vigorously as she leads me up the side of the mountain.

“It’s okay. Just don’t look down.”

Her telling me not to look down does the exact opposite. I look down. My head starts spinning and all I can hear is my heart hammering away. It feels like my eyes cross and I fall to my knees.

She spins around and tilts her head to the side. “You looked down, didn’t you?”

I nod, unable to talk. There is a lump in my throat that is blocking air and my voice.

She walks the couple steps back to me and sits down on the dirt trail at my side. “We don’t have to do this, you know?”

I’m finally able to swallow the excess salvia in my mouth as I nod my head. “Yes, I do. It’s on the list: conquer a fear. Heights is my fear— we’re doing this.”

“Okay, well why don’t we just hang here for a minute and catch our breath. Look at that view.” A breathtaking smile covers her face. It’s so bright it lights up her dark brown eyes. She’s come a long way since we got back from our trip. She’s completely free. She’s let go of everything that had been holding her back, and she’s blossomed into a beautiful woman who isn’t held back by anything. She’s learned how to let things go and move on. She’s taking chances and doing anything and everything she wants to do. She doesn’t pretend to be anyone else. She’s just her and if you don’t like it, you can fuck off. She no longer hides herself away.

Seeing her like this, makes me want her more every day. She’s completely fucking breathtaking as she stares out over the mountain. Her chest is rising and falling quickly with her heavy breathing from the hike. The look in her eyes drives me crazy. I want her. Every day, just me and her.

I reach out and run my fingertips down her arm. She quickly looks over at me with a smile. “Are you ready?”

“Yeah, I’m ready.” Just sitting here, watching her, has calmed my nerves. She always does this for me. She brings me back from whatever cliff I’m on.

There is more to this than just marking this one thing off the list. I can’t wait to get to the top.

I stand and pull her up with me. I keep her hand in mine as we continue our way up the mountain trail.

It takes us another hour, but we’ve finally made it. I stop some way from the edge and bend over with my hands on my knees while I try catching my breath, but she doesn’t. She races right to the edge to peer over.

She’s completely fearless and free. I watch her from my position as she holds her arms out at her side, like she’s opening herself up for the world to see.

My heart pounds away in my chest. It’s time.

I stand up right and walk over to the edge.

She looks up at me with a wide smile. “You did it! Cross it off.”

---