Page 34 of Losing a Piece of Me

“I was just so confused by all the feelings being back there brought on.”

“It’s okay, Alex. I understand, it’s just that now we need to have that talk.”

“I know,” I whisper.

He rubs his hands on his pants and leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees, then turns to face me. “Does this mean that you and him are getting back together?”

“No.”

“Are you sure? He’s not going to come after you or something?”

I shrug. “I don’t think he will. We didn’t leave things on good terms. I kind of snuck out of his bed the next morning.”

A quiet laugh escapes his lips. “Oh, Alex.” His arm comes back around my shoulders as he leans back and presses me to him.

This I can handle. I don’t love Jeff, but he’s comfortable. I know he won’t ask for too much and he’s willing to accept whatever I give him because he can’t handle any more than what we’ve been doing anyway.

With him, I don’t have to think or feel. I can just be Alex, the girl who is just as broken as he is.

“We’re both too fucked up to deal with this, you know?”

I nod. “I know.”

His hand rubs up and down my arm, warming my skin.

We sit silently for a few moments before he finally stands. “I should probably be going. I’m sure you have all sorts of shit running through that head of yours.” He turns for the door. “Call me if you need anything.”

I stand and follow him to the door. “I will.”

He presses a kiss to my forehead and leaves. I lock the door behind him and flip all the light switches on the way back to the bedroom.

I crash in bed and pull the blankets up around me. Smoky is instantly by my side, cuddled up next to my stomach.

I close my eyes and drift off to sleep.

“You will not see that boy anymore. You’re going to be leaving for college soon and it will be over anyway. You can meet someone who is worthy of you, instead of being stuck in this town, working as a waitress with him by your side. You have a future waiting for you, don’t you see that?” My mother is trying to use her gentle, calm voice but it might as well be nails against a chalkboard to me.

To me, the only thing coming from my mother’s mouth is an unpleasant screeching sound which, if it had subtitles, would be giving me step-by-step instructions on how to live my life. I don’t want her life. I don’t want to be a lawyer like my father. I don’t want to marry anyone other than Striker. I don’t care if she doesn’t see in him what I do. He loves me. He protects me. Most of all, he’s always there for me, which is more than I can say about her.

When I don’t reply, she leaves me alone.

The first thing I do is climb out of my window and down the back of the house. I’m at Striker’s window ten minutes later. I tap against it and he opens up, wiping the sleep from his eyes as he helps me inside.

“What are you doing here?” he whispers.

I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him to me, breathing him in. Tears build up and are about to break through, but I stop them short with sheer willpower. I won’t allow it. I refuse to let anyone see how weak I really am.

“Your mom again?” he asks.

I nod, not taking my head off his shoulder.

“Come on.” He pulls me into his warm bed and wraps me up in his strong arms.

“She doesn’t control us, Lex. It’s you and me.” He tilts my head so I meet his eyes. “It’s only ever going to be you and me.”

“How? She’s going to ship me off to college and I don’t have any say. She won’t let go of me until she’s broken me.”

He shakes his head. “As soon as you turn eighteen, she won’t have a say. We will pack up and hit the road, leave everyone else behind.” He softly kisses me. “Only you and me, Lex.”

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