Page 31 of Losing a Piece of Me

“I’m not afraid.”

I can tell she’s trying her hardest to be brave. I hold out my hand. “Trust me.”

She studies me for a long moment, but I can feel our connection before she even reaches for my hand.

With my eyes on hers, I walk her to the edge. “On the count of three.”

She nods, but she doesn’t talk or look at me. She’s looking at the water below, fear written across her face.

“Hey.”

Her eyes dart to mine.

“Don’t look down there. Just look at me. It’s just me and you, remember. No lies, no secrets, only trust and love. Are you ready?”

She nods, but her eyes flash back to the water below us.

“Lex.”

She brings her eyes to me and I pull her closer. I press her to my side and press my lips against hers. I can feel her fear and anxiety fall away as her body melts against mine.

I pull away and look into her bright blue eyes, eyes that are clouded with excitement. “Three!”

We both jump.

We’re weightless as we fall through the air. It’s like slow motion for me. I look at her and see her eyes closed with a wide smile spread across her face. She’s absolutely beautiful. In this moment, she’s completely free, alive. Excitement and love are radiating off her, but so is a sense of peace and trust. She looks completely at ease.

We crash into the water, hands still locked together.

When we break the surface, she’s laughing and she throws her arms around my neck while cheering.

“We did it!”

I brush the wet hair off her pink, flushed cheeks. “You did it.” I crush my lips against hers, overflowing with love for this girl. She’s mine and only mine, for the rest of my life. No one will ever compare.

I take a long breath and wipe my eyes. The stinging dryness of my eyes, which now feel like sandpaper, reminds me of how long I have been staring at the water, lost in thought.

I dig my knuckles into the corners of my eyes, rubbing away the memory until they are moistened again by tears. It’s about time to head home, but before I close the distance to my bike, I give the cliff one last look, longing for what used to be.

It’s almost like I can see us standing there, right on the edge, ready to jump.

I’m ready to jump, I just have to find that connection once again.

Chapter 9

Walking into my apartment, I feel like a completely different person. It feels like a year has passed since I’ve last been here. Smoky is passed out on the windowsill, perched above a full food dish which tells me Jeff did as I asked and I now owe him.

Sleeping with Jeff has always been fun, until now. Now I feel a sense of dread about it. Seeing Striker has fucked with my head. It’s like I’m eighteen all over again and just left him for the first time.

My heart feels swollen with love for him, but it’s so full that it’s cracking. An unidentifiable pain lingers in my chest, and it won’t go away no matter what I do.

I look around my quiet apartment. The peace and loneliness used to be something I loved, but now it’s too quiet. I drop my bag on the living room floor and plop down on the couch. I stare at the TV even though it isn’t on.

Why am I feeling like this? We slept together, it meant nothing.

At least, I’m trying to convince myself it meant nothing. If I admit how much it really means, I’m afraid I will do the one thing I’ve always wanted to.

Go to him, confess all my secrets, and hope he takes me back.

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