Page 20 of Losing a Piece of Me

I lean against the tree which she was so recently pressed against and take a moment to catch my breath. I run my hands over my face and head, trying to calm the ache in my pants.

When every part of me has calmed down, I push off from the tree and make the journey back to the path where I stashed my bike.

Her mother watches me from the window, arms crossed and eyes shooting daggers, as I pass her house. If it were possible to harm someone with just a look, her contentious expression would have me dead in the street. I don’t smile. I don’t wave. I just lock my eyes on hers. I want her to know that I know she’s watching. I want her worrying. Lex has only been home one day, yet she’s already with me. The guy that wasn’t good enough for her daughter. The guy she tried to pay off to stay away. It didn’t work then and it won’t work now.

She knows that and she’s scared.

Even though Lex has been gone and living her life for the past six years, her mother still thinks she can control her.

Nobody can control Lex. The sooner she realizes that, the better.

* * *

When I get home, I start cleaning the carburetor on my Impala. I’ve been restoring it for years, for no reason other than to keep my hands busy while my mind wanders. It’s always been relaxing for me, and helps to sort out my head.

When my parents were fighting, I’d head to the garage and work on something. When my mom left and my dad turned to drinking, when he would get wasted and beat the shit out of me, I went to the garage.

With pieces of metal in my hands, my eyes fall to the beat-up couch sitting beside my work bench. It was the one thing I took when I left my dad. Out of all my CDs, clothes, sports memorabilia, and guitars, I chose the ratty old couch that had been in our garage for years. Lex and I, we had some good times on that couch. I couldn’t let it go.

Just staring at the worn down thing still makes my heart slam against my chest.

I wipe the blood from my lip and slam the front door behind me. He’s still carrying on in the empty house, yelling and throwing things. He blames me for her leaving.

As I head towards the garage, I look up and see her standing there in the gravel, arms crossed over her chest, pulling my old flannel shirt tight around her. Her eyes are flooded with tears and the tip of her nose is red from the cold.

“What are you doing here?” I bring her into my arms, trying to comfort her. I know her mother must have pulled her usual shit again.

She looks up at me with bloodshot eyes that are distinguishable even in the dark. “Why do you stay here? How can you put up with that?” Her eyes flash toward the house, and I realize she witnessed everything.

I press a kiss to her forehead. “Come on.” I lead her toward the garage and we sit on the couch. She straddles me and wraps her arms around my neck, resting her forehead against mine.

“Tell me why. Why do you live like this? Why don’t you leave?”

“I can’t leave,” I sigh out in exasperation.

She places her hands on either side of my face and narrows her eyes, studying me. “Tell me. No secrets with us, remember?”

I let out a long breath. “I can’t leave because…I can’t leave you.”

No sooner have the words left my lips than she withdraws into herself, a vacant look glazing over her eyes. This time, it’s my hands on her face, directing her eyes to look at me. “If I leave, where will I go? I don’t have family anywhere near here. I won’t leave you.”

“You can’t stay here, Striker. I can’t live knowing that you are here getting the shit beat out of you for me. I can’t do it.” Her head shakes back and forth.

I pull her lips to mine to calm her. “I won’t leave you. I’ll put up with anything I have to, just to keep you. I love you, Lex.”

The walls surrounding her emotions give way and crumble. Her lips press to mine as she works my shirt up over my head. When it is off completely off, I roll us over and cover her body with mine.

I shake off the feelings of that night. Lex knew things were hard for me at home, but she didn’t know just how hard until that night.

I need to get back inside her heart. Part of me has been there all along, but she’s built a brick wall around it. She knows she loves me, but it’s locked away somewhere so deep that she can’t feel it. I have to make her feel it. I have to break down those walls.

I open my hand and let the piece of metal clatter to the floor as I head for the house to clean up. It’s hot and stuffy in the garage and I’m covered in sweat and grease.

I know what I have to do. I have to save her. I have to save her from herself, because if she keeps shutting everyone out like this, she will end up alone. I can’t let that happen - she’s too good to be alone. She deserves more than I can offer, but she definitely deserves more than she has now.

While quickly showering, I draw up a mental list of places to check for the dinner. This town doesn’t harbor many places fancy enough for her family’s tastes.

Throwing on some clothes, I hop on my bike to start searching. First stop: the country club. All the big shots go there.

---