Page 62 of Shattered

I shrug one shoulder. “Is this what dating you is like?”

He lets out a short laugh and shakes his head. “I don’t really know. I’ve never really dated before.”

I lean forward, needing to be closer to him for some reason. “You’ve never had a girlfriend?”

“No, not really. I mean, there have been girls, but none that I considered my girlfriend.”

I look around the ocean and the sky. “So did you do anything like this for them?”

“Nope. Back in New York, I stuck to the basics. Dinner, drinks, maybe a movie or play, but nothing ever like this.”

I smile, I can’t help it, but hearing how special this really is for him, it means that much more to me.

It’s completely dark by the time we are done eating. The waiter clears our plates and River stands, holding out his hand. “One more thing to check off that list today.”

“What’s that?” I take his hand as he leads me to the side of the boat.

“Look over there.” He points to my right. I turn and look.

There are dozens of lit up paper lanterns floating through the air. I inhale from the beauty of it. It reminds me of the list. Number fifty says: use a paper lantern to free something that’s holding you back.

I turn around to face him.

He’s holding two lanterns. “Time to let Katie go.”

I meet his eyes again, he’s blurry through my tears. When I look down, he’s holding out a lighter.

I reach for it, squeezing it hard in my hand. Can I do this? Can I let Katie go?

She’s not holding me back, is she? She’s pushing me forward. I never would have done any of this stuff this summer without her.

“I can’t.” I shake my head while my hot tears leak from my eyes.

“It’s time, Jovi. She’s gone. It’s time you accept it. It will be the hardest thing you’ll ever have to do, but once you do it, you’ll feel the weight lift from your shoulders. You’ll be free.”

I have had this weight on my shoulders since she was taken. I’ve also had this knot in my stomach. Will letting her go make all that go away? Before I didn’t want it to go away. I wanted the reminder. But maybe River is right. Maybe it’s time to move on, try to heal. Katie wouldn’t want me hurting.

I hold the lantern out as I strike the lighter. “I love you, Katie,” I whisper as I hold the flame to the paper.

After a few minutes, the lantern fills and begins to float. Thinking about my friend, I watch it as long as I can, until it’s no longer visible. I take a deep breath, and it soothes me. I do feel a little lighter.

I spin around to see River still holding his lantern. “What are you going to let go?”

He looks at me, pain reflecting in his eyes. “I’m letting go of all my anger and resentment.”

“Anger and resentment about what?”

“About it all: my friend that overdosed, my mom getting taken from me, my dad who never wanted anything to do with me growing up, and my sister who I moved across the country to be closer to, only for her to be taken too.”

The boat is pulling back up to the dock. I feel it shudder when the engine is shut off.

“Your sister? I thought you didn’t have any siblings?”

His jaw is flexed like he’s angry. “I may not have been completely honest with you.”

I feel my defenses rise. “Why would you lie about having a sister?”

“Think about it, Jovi.”

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