Page 54 of Shattered

“It doesn’t make me feel better. It makes me feel dirty. It’s like she was hoping for that reaction and for my dick to lead me to her.”

I scoff. “Don’t be dramatic. Her hip couldn’t handle you.” I reach out and pinch his nipple.

He jumps and backs away. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” I ask with a smile as I step closer, reaching for anything I can grab.

“I don’t want to be touched while we’re talking about those dirty ladies.” He visibly shivers.

I let out a loud laugh. “How’s the big man in your pants feeling today, anyway?” I move back to the stove and scoop some eggs onto two plates for us.

“A little sore. Like he ran a marathon all night.” He cups his hand over his crotch.

I nod towards the couch. “Come on. Let’s take it easy before we head out for the day.”

13

JOIN ME ON THE BEACH

After we eat breakfast, I pull on my ‘barely there’ bikini with some shorts and a tank top and we head to the beach, the beach that Katie should be lounging on, sipping cocktails right now. On the drive there, I grasp the charm on my necklace, the only piece of her that I have left.

Even though River had such a tough day yesterday, he's doing everything he can to be here for me like he knows how hard this is going to be. He fills his flask full and hands it over to me to slip into the beach bag.

As we walk closer to the sand, his hand finds mine. He squeezes it slightly, trying to offer me support and comfort.

Just walking across the soft sand makes my eyes tear. My chest tightens from trying to hold them back, and my heart that I thought was already shattered grinds down to a fine dust, almost like the sand under my feet.

I step under the cabana I rented and pull off my clothes before relaxing in a lounge chair. I can feel River’s eyes on me, but I don’t look at him. I’m not sure if he’s checking me out because of my bikini, or if it’s because he’s afraid finally being here with Katie gone is going to destroy me.

I see a waiter walk by and I call out to him. He walks over and I look him up and down. He’s wearing a pair of white board shorts that hug his hips. Every muscle in his body is ripped and covered in tan skin. I’m sure Katie would approve. However, I wonder which she would choose when it came to River: screw, kill, or marry?

I snap out of my thoughts before ordering two mixed drinks.

"Why did you order two? Are you that thirsty today?” River asks curiously from beside me.

I shake my head while staring out over the water. "No, one is for Katie." I pull the list out of the bag and open it to the last page. The very last thing she wrote was "join me on the beach for a drink". She was determined to get me here one way or another, and she succeeded.

I cross through it as a tear slides down my cheek. It drips from my chin and lands on the paper, smearing the ink. "I'm here, Katie. Now what?"

The waiter returns and hands me one drink while he places the other on the table between River and I. I sip the fruity mixture and it cools me off. I know Katie wouldn't want me to be sad, but I can't help feel lonely here without her. I miss her.

This is something we should have done together. More tears build in my eyes and I don't bother hiding them. They need to fall. I need them out. I didn't think this would be as difficult as it is. I also expected to feel a little closer to her, like this would be some kind of connection for us. But sitting here now without her, she couldn't feel any further away.

I wipe my tears away and notice River is reaching out his hand. I take it in mine and our eyes meet. “I know this is going to be hard on you, but I just want to let you know I’m here. If you need to cry or scream or hit something, I’m here.” He looks so sincere it makes my heart swell.

I nod and dry my face as I pick up my glass and drink it quicker than necessary.

The frozen drink helps to keep me cool while the heat of the day and the bright sun warm my skin. A slight breeze blows through the thin material of the cabana and it relaxes me. I allow my eyes to close as I hold the charm on my necklace in my fist.

* * *

"Hey. Wake up, lazy ass," Katie says as she shakes my arm.

My eyes flutter open and I sit up quickly, looking around me. I'm still in my beach chair, only it isn't River sitting beside me, it's Katie.

"What are you doing here? You're- you're gone," I cry.

Her bottom lip comes out in a pout. "I know. I'm sorry I had to leave you."

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