Page 65 of Shattered

“And you turned him away?”

I hear the shaky breath he takes even though the phone. “I did. It wasn’t my finest hour, but I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t want to believe him, but he looked just like me. Same blond hair, same blue eyes. I knew he was mine the second my eyes landed on him, but I didn’t want to believe it. I didn’t want to think about the problems it would cause in my family. So, yes, I turned him away.”

I hear glass clanking together, like he’s pouring a drink. I can see him now, in his home office, pacing the floor with a glass of scotch in his hand.

“I didn’t want Mary and Kate to see him and ask questions. Not because I didn’t want them to know, but because I needed the truth for myself first. It took me about a week, but I finally found her number. I called and she told me everything. She said she couldn’t go through with it. It damn near crippled me because this whole time, I had a son out there that thought I didn’t want him, and then I went and turned him away.”

“And then what?” Tears are still leaking from my eyes and I don’t even know why anymore.

“Well, then I told Mary. She was mad. She thought I had known the whole time, that I kept it from her, and she stormed out on me. When I got off work that day, I came home and that was the fight you girls heard. We fought about it for a long time. I wanted to contact him, give him whatever he needed, but Mary, she didn’t even want to acknowledge that he existed. But finally, I told her that I was going to meet my son and there wasn’t anything she could do about it. That’s when I told Kate about the whole thing.”

“That’s when you guys went to New York to meet him.”

“That’s right. We made a trip to New York every year to visit. Josh and Kate talked weekly on the phone. He became family. I think he only moved out here because of his and Kate’s relationship. They were close. Jovi, why are you wanting to know all of this?”

I decide to come clean. I should talk to someone about it. “He came to Miami with me. I didn’t know who he was. I met him at your house the day of the funeral. He told me his name was River.”

“I see. Now you feel like you don’t know him at all?”

“Exactly. I told him things that only Katie knew, and he didn’t even tell me his real name. I love him, but can I excuse this?”

Talking to George is like talking to my own dad. He knows me better than I know myself because he knew me before I was me. He watched me grow from a small kid with scraped up knees to the woman I’ve become.

“Jovi, listen to me. Life is too short to hold grudges. Whatever Josh did, he’s a good kid and I’m sure he has his reasons. I’m sure he was only trying to protect you. There comes a time when you have to ask yourself, is the lie he told so bad that he can’t be forgiven? If you love him as you say, shouldn’t you forgive him?”

I nod. “I should, but I don’t know if I can. I will always be wondering what else he’s lying about.”

“You don’t love him because of his name, Jovi. Love is blind. It will sneak up on you when you’re least expecting it. You love him because of the way he makes you feel. That wasn’t a lie.”

He’s right. Who cares what he wants me to call him. I love him. “You’re right,” I whisper, suddenly realizing how badly I’ve fucked this all up. “I have to go. I have to find him.” I stand and grab my bag.

“Be careful. And please come by and see us soon. We miss you,” George says.

“I will, I promise,” I say before wiping my cheeks and hanging up the phone.

I toss my bag into the backseat of the car and rush over to the apartment. I left my key inside when I left in such a rush, so I pound on the door relentlessly, but he doesn’t answer.

I stand on my tiptoes and peak into the frosted glass window on the top. The place is dark. He’s gone.

It feels like my whole world comes crashing down on me. My chest hurts as I turn back for the car, admitting defeat. He’s gone, and I’ll be lucky if I ever see him again.

I don’t have the strength to drive all the way across the country by myself. I can’t do it. That will be entirely way too much time to think about how I fucked this up. I just want to run home and crawl into bed. I want to be surrounded by my things, my memories. I want to be someplace where I can talk to Katie, a place where I feel close to her.

Luckily, I rented the car from a nationwide company. I turn over the car and get a taxi to take me to the airport. The whole way there, my stomach is in knots. I temporarily forget about the problems I caused with River. All I can think about now is getting on a plane so soon after my best friend died on one.

I’m almost having a panic attack by the time the cab pulls up front. Without allowing myself any time to think about what I’m doing, I climb out of the cab and rush inside to buy a ticket home.

Home. That’s my only thought right now.

I buy a ticket, but the next flight is booked, so I have to wait until tomorrow morning, but even that will get me home faster than driving. I walk through the airport completely drained. The stress of the day has worn on me more than any other. I’m exhausted, worried, stressed, lonely, and afraid. I can’t even bother to lift my head. I walk through the airport hanging my head, watching the floor, trying not to let the fear overwhelm me. Trying not to remember the images on the screen that fateful day.

Suddenly, every hair on my body seems to stand on end and a tingling forms in my stomach. My heart begins pounding wildly, and I look up in confusion, not sure why my body is acting this way.

I see vibrant blue eyes staring back at me and a mess of blond hair. His eyes narrow on me as he flexes his jaw. He looks angry, and sad, but so fucking sexy. I want to forget all about our fight. I want to rush into his arms and ask him to never let me go, but I can’t seem to make my feet work. I’m frozen in fear because I don’t know if he will want me after the way I acted.

16

BECOMING RIVER

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