Page 61 of Shattered

I clap my hands together as I bounce up and down in my seat. "I've always really wanted to do this but I was always too scared. It will be so much fun jumping together." I swing open the car door and climb out.

"Wait! Jovi, no!" He rushes to my side. "This one's just for you."

"Oh, no. If I go, you go!" I grab his hand and lead him to the gates.

We stand in line for what feels like three hours. But we're finally up next.

"Jovi, I seriously can't do this one.” His voice is laced with nerves.

I turn to look at his pale face. "Are you afraid of heights?"

He swallows, a lump forming in his neck. "I can't do it. I'll tell ya what. How about neither of us do it and you just mark it off?"

"What? No! That's cheating! I have to do this. You don't."

"Really? You won't hate me for making you go alone?” His facial muscles go at ease with relief.

"You're not making me. I want to do this."

The man tells me to step forward to fit me with my harness. They go through an incredibly long list of technicalities before letting me walk over to the side where I jump. I spin around so I can look at River while I fall backward, wanting to take the love and excitement he makes me feel with me.

I hold my arms out at my side and slowly lean back, letting gravity take me over the edge. My stomach feels like it's still up on the platform, but I feel completely weightless, free. The wind whips my hair around me and makes me feel like I’m flying. My cheeks hurt from smiling and laughing. However, I'm not brave enough to open my eyes. I keep them squeezed shut. I don't need to see. I just need to feel.

I bounce around for a while, feeling like a cork that keeps getting pulled under water, but I'm finally pulled back up to the platform.

River is standing there with his hand covering his mouth, skin so pale it looks green.

"Oh, thank God!" He rushes over to me.

"What's the matter? Did you think I wasn't coming back or something?" I ask as the workers remove my harness.

"You were so fucking quiet, I thought something went wrong. Who jumps like that and doesn't scream?"

Finally I'm free from all the ropes and buckles so I take his hand and lead him away. "I didn't jump. I fell. Just like with us. I didn't jump into this," I motion between the two of us. "I fell."

He leans into me, pressing his lips to mine.

"Next!" I shout exhilarated as he pulls away, I’m feeling my old, timid self, transform day by day. I know that I am no longer the same person I was before the trip began.

* * *

It's nearing dinner time by the time we leave the amusement park. River drives us to the shore. "What are we doing here?" I ask as he turns the car off.

"Getting dinner."

"Here?" I point at the yacht.

"Yeah. I arranged it. I wanted to do something with you before we had to head back."

“Thank you. This is so sweet.” He takes my hand in his and leads me up the ramp and onto the boat.

We sit at a small table on the elegant boat. A waiter serves us some wine while we slowly start drifting out into the ocean.

I take a sip and look across the table at River. I had no idea he could be so sweet. We’ve spent a lot of time together this summer, but it wasn’t spent “dating”. Sure we would eat together, drink together, and spent pretty much all our time together, but we were doing so as friends. I never looked at him and felt like I was in a serious relationship with him because we were just having fun.

This, sitting together on this boat, being waited on as the sun sets in the sky, it feels like a date. Maybe he’s trying to show me what really being together would be like. This is nice, but I don’t need it. All I need is him by my side, making me laugh so hard my face hurts. I need to be under him every night while he shatters me into a million pieces. And most of all, I want to tell him I love him, but I don’t know how to say the words.

“What are you thinking so hard about?” he asks me, his blue eyes meeting mine.

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