“Huh. Must be new.” He scrolls through his phone, clicking something, and a moment later, the music plays through the speakers. He grins. “So glad my phone made it. Dad is such a genius with this shit. Bet I asked him to do this, and he did.”
Bet he did. Because Cole is a good father.
But then something hits me, and my stomach sours. Is everything still on his phone? His texts? Did we ever exchange anything about this in text? What about stuff between him and Cole? Did he talk to anyone else about what he saw? Fuck, if he goes through there and finds something…
“Whatever you did to piss me off, would you do it again?”
His words come out of nowhere, causing me to nearly choke.
“What?” I ask, reaching for my bottle of water. I know what he asked me, but I need a second to think about it.
“Would you do it again?” he asks, taking another bite of his pizza. He seems so calm about this. So nonchalant. He really believes what I did wasn’t horrible. That I wouldn’t do anything to hurt him so badly.
Would I do it again?
No. I want to, so fucking badly, but no. I won’t go there with Cole again, because I won’t risk my relationship with Chris.
“Not if the outcome was the same,” I answer honestly.
“So, it’s something you wanted to do?”
I shake my head, sighing heavily and dropping my half-eaten pizza back into the box. I’m no longer hungry. “Why are we talking about this?”
He takes a deep breath, and answers, “I like how I feel right now. It’s strange. I feel so free. Relieved. Like I’d been weighed down for so long, and now I’m just… not. I’ve been putting pieces together and have a feeling I wasn’t in a great place before my accident, so maybe getting information now will help me see clearly if my memories come back. Maybe if I see things from your perspective now, if you explain it to me without explaining it to me, I won’t get mad at you again if I remember.”
Goddamnit.
This is why I can’t do this to Chris. Why he’s my best friend. He is such a good person, and I could cry right now. Even without remembering, he understands that he wasn’t doing so good. The accident being caused by drinking is enough of a hint to that, but something else is going on in his brain too. He understands that he feels better, even though he doesn’t remember feeling bad. Chris doesn’t think I would do something to hurt him without a good reason. Because he believes in me, trusts me, and that hurts a lot for so many reasons. Chris is trying to understand where I’m coming from to make peace with what I did to him, even though he has no idea how bad it is.
“You’ll get mad,” I clarify.
“But you said you wouldn’t do it again. Meaning it was a mistake. Obviously our friendship means something to you, because what it was, you want to do it. Meaning, you’re putting me before you.”
“Our friendship means everything, Chris,” I say seriously, and I don’t think he understands just how much I mean that.
He simply shrugs, reaching for another slice.
Chapter Sixty-Eight
Bryson
“Why is he always moping around?” Chris asks quietly as Cole heads out of the house through the front door.
“Don’t know,” I say.
Lie.
I feel like all I do is lie to him. I hate it.
“Did he get dumped or something?”
“Yeah, actually. He did.”
I realize I shouldn’t have said that the moment the words leave my mouth. Not only because it’s info Chris shouldn’t have, but it opens up to more questions.
Chris’s eyes widen. “Shit. He was actually dating someone?”
“Something like that,” I say quickly, hoping he doesn’t ask more. Though, it also makes me wonder what he means. Actually dating someone? Is that not something Cole did regularly?