Page 111 of Unspoken Rules

Chapter Forty-Five

Cole

Bryson’s body is curled against mine, his head on my chest, leg and arm thrown over my body. My room is dark. We’re both freshly showered. Naked. I’m pretty sure he’s sleeping. If not fully, he’s just about there. His breathing is slow and even, his body relaxed.

Having him here in my bed is satisfying in a way sex isn’t. It’s more. Something I don’t do with anyone.

There have been plenty of people I’ve slept with over the years, but never someone I could do this with. Not someone I felt comfortable enough sleeping in my bed. And I enjoy cuddling. I like holding the person I’m with, making them feel safe and loved. I love taking care of them. But Bryson is different, so I shouldn’t be surprised we’re here. Everything with him has been different. Better. Easier.

And the fucked up thing is he’s the one person I can’t have it with.

Or shouldn’t. Because I want to do this. Really do this. I can’t believe I’m admitting this, but I want to be with him. There hasn’t been a single person I’ve imagined myself with since my divorce. Not a single person I’ve met in all those years that I wanted more with. But I want that with Bryson.

I don’t like when he’s upset. Don’t like when he thinks he’s worth nothing. I hate when he looks at me like I betrayed him when I didn’t. If only he’d ask, I’d have explained my relationship with Connie. I won’t lie to him, which is why I told him the truth about sleeping with her.

Maybe that was wrong. Maybe I should have kept that from him, but I am not a liar. I don’t want to hurt him, but I want to be truthful.

Bryson gives me something no one else ever has, and of course the universe is so cruel that it would be him. Something forbidden.

If we do this, really do this, it’s going to be a disaster. I’m not sure I’m ready for that. I don’t know if I ever will be. And it’s because of one person. Fuck this town and everyone in it. But if Chris finds out…

My son is already mad at me over something he won’t tell me.

After I put some pieces together from talking to Bryson, I texted Chris, begging him to talk to me. Asking him what I did wrong so I could fix it. The texts went unanswered. Bryson says he doesn’t want to break Chris’s trust by telling me the problem, but maybe if I explain that I’ve already put things together, and by telling me, he could help us both, he will. But I don’t want to do that because what if Chris gets pissed? Bryson will blame me, and he should. Because I’d have pushed him. I don’t want that either. I appreciate and respect him not wanting to get in the middle. I’m desperate, though. I need to fix this with my son.

Yet how will I do that if I’m fucking his best friend?

This is such a mess.

"You okay?” Bryson’s voice is soft and sleepy. “You’re tense.”

I chuckle, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “Fine.”

“I think we all know fine means not fine.”

“That’s women.”

He huffs out a laugh and rolls onto his back. “It’s universal.”

I turn onto my side, lifting up on my elbow and resting my head on my hand. Bryson is defensive, and if I don’t handle this the right way, he’s going to get upset. I don’t want to upset him, but I need to better understand him. Actually, I think I understand him just fine. He’s the one who needs to understand himself.

“Tell me why you ran away today,” I say softly.

“I didn’t run away.”

“This is never going to work if you can’t be honest with me.”

He scoffs, pushing himself up to sit. He runs a hand through his hair, and I try not to stare at his body. Now’s not the time.

“What even is this, Cole? It’s not like we can be together for real. Why does it matter?”

I sit up too, watching him carefully. “It matters to me.”

“But why?” He shakes his head, staring ahead into the dark room.

“Because I care about you.”

“It doesn’t matter. We can’t do this.”

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