Page 63 of Unspoken Rules

Chris whips his head toward me. “Are you seriously asking me that right now?”

There’s a wave of defensiveness coursing through me, and I don’t know why. Something in my gut tells me Chris wouldn’t be so pissed if he found out Cole cheated on his mother with a woman. Or who knows? Maybe he would. But this is a small town, and word gets around. I don’t doubt people would look down on the Harpers and the other family because of it. They can turn their eye to a husband cheating on his wife with another woman, but a man? Scandalous! Fuck this town. It’s why I struggled with coming out for so many years. My father isn’t the only one in this place with a shit attitude.

I don’t answer Chris, but I hold his gaze—and my breath.

Chris won’t be honest with me if he’s mad about his father cheating with a man. There is no way he would say something so stupid. Which is why I’m glaring at him, hoping that if he is lying, I’ll be able to tell. Chris always accepted me for being gay, but you can’t choose to accept one person and not all.

“I’m mad about him cheating at all.” He says the words, but deep down, I don’t believe him. Something is telling me he isn’t being truthful. That he’s more pissed about this being with a guy. I feel it to my very bones.

“So it has nothing to do with it being with a man?” I ask, proud that my voice doesn’t tremble or crack.

Chris holds my gaze, and his shoulders sag. “Maybe a little,” he says, but then quickly adds, “But not because of the gay thing! You know I don’t care about that.”

“Then what?” I ask. It’s taking everything in me to keep my cool. I didn’t expect Chris to admit that to me. I’m pissed. Furious. I want an answer like ten minutes ago.

The waiter brings our food, says he’ll get Chris another drink, and asks if we need anything else. Chris mumbles a “No, thanks,” while I ignore him completely. Neither of us touches our food as I wait for him to answer.

“It’s everything that came with it.”

“Because it was a guy,” I add. Does he not realize what he’s saying? How does he not realize what he’s saying?

“No!” he barks. He sighs, leaning forward and lowering his voice. “No. I don’t care about him wanting to be with a man.”

“You just care that people found out it was with a man and are pissed about it. How is that different?”

His eyes are wide, slightly frantic. I can see he doesn’t want to upset me and he’s not trying to be an asshole, just trying to explain. But how can I not be offended by this?

We fall quiet again. I’m shaking. Chris is trying to figure out what he wants to say. He better figure it out soon before I get up and walk out.

The waiter drops off Chris’s drink, and he grabs it to take a long sip.

He places his palms on the table and looks me right in the eye.

“Bryson, I don’t have an issue with anyone’s sexual orientation. And to be honest, I haven’t taken the time to figure out why I’m so mad about this, so I’m sorry if I’m coming across as a dick. But I don’t mean to. Maybe it’s not because he’s a guy, but rather who he is. Had it been a lesser-known guy, maybe it wouldn’t have been such a big deal. But I’ll never know. All I know is I’m furious over finding all of this out.”

I look away, staring at the TV above the bar. There are reruns of a hockey game. Never been interested in hockey and I’m not into it now either. But I need a minor distraction. Something that’ll allow me a minute to calm down.

Chris has never done anything to me, or anyone else, to make me think he’s being dishonest. Maybe I need to give him the benefit of the doubt. He admitted he hasn’t taken time to think about this. All he’s done is ignore his father and drink a shit ton. Maybe he really doesn’t know why he’s so mad about this and needs to figure that out. Me harping on him isn’t going to help.

“Does Cole know this is what you’re pissed about?”

He shakes his head. I already knew the answer, but I don’t want Chris to know that Cole and I have talked about this.

“Then it obviously didn’t get big enough, Chris. And honestly, I’m offended you’re pissed about this at all. I can understand you being upset with your father for cheating on your mother, but who it’s with shouldn’t matter. I mean, maybe if it was her sister, then yeah, that’s shitty because it’s family, but other than that?” I scoff, shaking my head.

Chris bows his head, refusing to look at me. I watch him for a moment before I start eating. I’m not hungry, but it’s here, and it smells good. We don’t say another word to each other. When the waiter returns, Chris orders another drink. We finish eating our food; I make sure to pay for the bill, and he drives me home. All without saying a word.

When we pull up at the house, he doesn’t shut the car off. I look at him, wondering what the hell he’s doing now.

“I’m going out. Figured you didn’t wanna come,” he says quietly. Shamefully. Like he knows I’m not going to approve. He knows what he’s doing is wrong, but he’s still going to do it.

“So you’re not going to talk to Cole? I thought that’s what you were mulling over this whole time.”

He shakes his head absently, staring out the front windshield. “I will. Eventually.”

I open the car door, but before I get out, I say, “Talking to him drunk won’t go well for either of you. And drinking every day? All that’s going to do is make you feel shittier than you already do.”

I get out without another word.

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