Page 162 of Unspoken Rules

Fuck, fuck, fuck… I try to regulate my breathing and hold his gaze. I can’t tell if he’s mad or not. Did he figure it out? Did he just—

“Don’t tell me I turned gay for you, you broke up with me, and it’s why I was mad at you?”

It’s silent for a solid three seconds before I burst into laughter. I laugh so hard I can’t breathe. I swear I’m about to pee my pants. My stomach and face hurt. When I get my laughter under control, I run to the bathroom before I actually do pee myself. When I get back to the couch, Chris is pouting.

“I’ll take that as a no,” he mutters.

“Definitely not.” I wipe my eyes that are still brimmed with tears of laughter.

“You say that like you’re not a great catch.” I shake my head and he raises his brow. “So you’re saying I’m not?”

I laugh again. This time it’s more controllable. “Jesus, Chris. Will you stop? You’re going to kill me.”

“Whatever,” he mutters. “For the record, I’d be lucky to have you as a boyfriend. And you’d be lucky to have me! If only I liked dick, we’d be the perfect couple.”

I pat his leg. “Of course we would be, baby.” I wink at him.

He gags and shoves me off him. “I could never. Cum is gross.”

I roll my eyes. “So you’ve said.”

“We’ve had this conversation before?”

“Yes, actually. Sort of. In different words.”

“Gross. But also, for the record, it would be my dick in your mouth. There’s no way I’m bottoming.”

I huff out a disbelieving laugh. “For the record, those who top don’t refrain from sucking dick.”

“Well, I would.”

“Because you’re not gay!”

We stare at each other, then both start laughing again.

Fuck, this feels so damn good.

Cole gets home around four and starts on dinner. He spends over an hour in there cooking. When it’s done, he calls us in to eat, and we have dinner together like it’s normal. We chat about Cole’s day. He asks us what we spent the day doing. Chris and Cole talk with each other the way they used to, and it makes me so happy to see.

Cole has what he wants. He has his son back. It sucks it was at the expense of our hearts, and that it was so traumatic for everyone, but they can move forward now. Things can go back the way they were for them, and I’ll go back to Boston and that will be that.

At night, I can’t sleep. So I go for a swim. It’s hot out, but it won’t be for much longer. Fall will come soon, and with it, the cold. The pool is refreshing and keeps my mind occupied. It’s late when I get out, but I’m still not tired. So I sit on the patio and stare out at the clear sky. I spend so long staring at the stars, just marveling. Counting them. Trying to recall the names of the different constellations that I learned fifteen years ago. Hell if I remember any of them.

It’s relaxing being here. You don’t get to see the sky like this in Boston. Too much light pollution. It feels almost normal sitting here. I’ve spent so much of my life at this house, in this very backyard.

But it’s all fake now.

We’re lying to Chris by not being honest with him. By not letting him know what we did. And we’re lying to each other by acting like we don’t want to be together. It sucks. It all fucking sucks. Because no matter what we do, someone gets hurt. Someone suffers.

I pull out my phone and text Mila.

Me: Are you avoiding Chris?

It doesn’t take her long to get back to me.

Mila: Is it obvious?

Me: To me it is.

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