Page 159 of Unspoken Rules

“I know it does. I mean, not personally, obviously, but I can imagine. Sucks on this end too. Watching what I have to say? It’s not easy, but we want to make sure you’re healing the way you should. I don’t want to do something that could compromise you or make it worse.”

He nods and says, “But there is something, right?”

“Kind of,” I admit.

He nods. “Can you tell me without telling me? Did I do something wrong?”

Chris was told he was drunk during the accident. He wasn’t told how bad his drinking was before that. Honestly, of all the things, I hope that’s something he doesn’t remember. I’ll take him hating me if he doesn’t hate himself.

“Without saying too much…” I blow out a breath. “I’ll say that a lot of things changed.”

“Between us?”

“Yes,” I answer carefully. “But others too. Some stuff happened, and we just weren’t the same.”

He opens his eyes then, lifting his head to look at me.

“Us… was it something I did?” he asks carefully.

“No,” I state. Maybe not the entire truth, but I’m not putting this on him. The issues we had could have been fixed regardless of his drinking. I was trying to help him with that. I could have handled it, made him better. What happened to us was because of me and what I did. Had Chris never found me and Cole, things with us would have been mended one day. I just needed more time to figure it out. It’s what I should have been doing instead of messing around with his father.

“Something you did?” he asks carefully.

“Yes.” The word comes out quiet and raspy.

I hold his gaze, waiting for him to call me out. To remember. To talk shit and be mad.

“I’m sure whatever it was wasn’t a big deal,” he says.

“It was.”

He smirks, running his palm along the top of the water. “Then I guess it’s a good thing I can’t remember.”

I don’t smile though, and he frowns.

“What about when you do?” I ask softly.

Chris opens his mouth to speak, but we’re interrupted by Cole.

“Pizza!” he calls out.

When he reaches us, he moves one of the end tables closer to the side of the hot tub between us and puts the pizza down.

“Don’t get any sauce, grease, or meat in my hot tub,” Cole says sternly. The exact way he’d say it when we were kids.

Chris chuckles. “There’s already meat in here.”

I scoff. “You’re so dumb.”

He winks at me, then leans over to grab a slice.

“You boys need anything else?” Cole asks, his eyes on Chris.

“Water,” Chris says. “Please.”

Cole heads back inside to get the water and brings us each a bottle a moment later. Then he leaves again. Chris and I eat in silence.

“Why don’t you put music on?” I say, unable to handle the silence anymore. Chris nods, grabbing his phone and putting the music on. It plays from the speaker on his phone. “Connect it to the outside speakers.” I gesture upwards. Chris looks up, brows furrowing.

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