Page 151 of Unspoken Rules

I get up and go to the door, pulling it open.

Yep, there he is.

His lips part, eyes widening in surprise.

“What?” I ask.

“I didn’t even knock.”

“What do you want, Cole?”

“I just… wanted to apologize.”

“For what?” I ask.

He shakes his head. “Everything?”

“Apology accepted. Can I go to sleep now?”

It has to be close to two am at this point. I’m exhausted.

His shoulders sag, and he nods. The urge to hug him overcomes me, but I push it away. I turn and go to bed, not bothering to shut the door. Maybe he’ll feel better if it’s open. Or maybe I feel better knowing it’s open, and he’s right down the hall.

I’d love nothing more than to crawl into his bed with him and let him hold me. Because it will make me feel better. But I can’t do that. Not anymore.

Chapter Sixty-Four

Cole

I’ve hardly been able to think straight all day. If I’m being honest, it’s been more than all day. More than just a week. It’s been months. Though, since Chris’s accident, it has gotten worse. And being around Bryson makes me nearly useless.

I’ve tried so hard to let him go. I’ve done everything I can to stop thinking about him, but it’s turning out to be impossible. Staying away from him has been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. And it’s more difficult now that he’s just down the hall.

He is right down the hall, in his room. I swear I can hear him breathing from here, that’s how close he is.

But it’s clear Bryson wants nothing to do with me. I’m so proud of him for sticking up for himself. For being honest about what he wants. For being strong and honest with me about us. Because hell, if he hadn’t? I don’t think I could either. But I know he doesn’t want this anymore, and that’s a good thing. Because look where it got us.

I fight the urge to get out of bed and go into his room. He must be sleeping by now. It’s nearly four in the morning, but I’ve yet to sleep. I never used to have trouble sleeping, but lately? I can’t seem to get enough. Yet falling asleep is so hard. If he were in here with me, I’d have no trouble sleeping. It’s hard to fight that. It’s not just about being with him, but it’s how he makes me feel when I’m with him. That’s why we fell into each other the way we did.

It wasn’t just sexual, wasn’t just fun. It was how we made each other better, more comfortable. We each give the other a safe space to be ourselves. It’s scary. Dangerous. And wrong.

I get up and go downstairs to make some tea, hoping it’ll help me sleep.

My kitchen actually smells good. Can’t remember the last time it did. Or the last time I saw the counters. When I’d invited Bryson to stay here tonight, I hadn’t thought of the state of my house. Hadn’t thought about it at all until I saw him cleaning. When I got home, I sat right on the couch and watched TV. Didn’t move until he walked in.

I appreciate him cleaning, but what means even more is how he sees me. Knows I’m not okay, and even though he isn’t either, he did what he could to help.

While the kettle is on, I go to the laundry room to swap the laundry and fold what’s in the dryer. I leave everything on the table once it’s folded, and when it’s all done, I’ll put it away.

The water is done when I go back to the kitchen, so I make the tea and bring it upstairs with me. I walk into my room and notice my phone lit up. Putting the mug on the end table, I grab my phone to clear the notification that was probably an email, only to see a missed call from a number that looks like it could be from the hospital.

I swallow hard, wondering why they’d be calling at this time. It can’t be something good.

I call them back right away, cursing at how long it takes to get through to his floor.

The moment someone answers, I blurt out, “This is Cole Harper. I just received a call from you. My son is in your unit, Christopher Harper.”

“Oh yes, Mr. Harper. I’m Cindy, one of the nurses. Hold on for just a moment while I get the doctor.”

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