Page 89 of Hate Me

I frowned, but before I could speak to it, she turned her attention to Cas.

“Giving me back my phone was a really sweet gesture. What you’ve done for me, reworking public perception after what happened… it’s incredible. Truly.”

“The city is wide open to you and welcoming, love.”

“Just like the three of you have made clear you are with me too. Whatever grudges you’ve held have dissipated. Any distrust and hurt too.” She pulled from us then, got off her stool and strode from the island, shoving her hand through her hair. “Because you’re so intent to keep me here with you, wanting us to return to how we were before, to get back on that track together where we left off with our relationship before it all went to hell.”

“The issues that drove us apart were predominantly external. Those that were internal could have been worked on and resolved with some effort,” Cas told her.

“Agreed,” Cal said.

She shook her head vehemently. “Bringing me in close as one of you destroyed so much for all of us.” She looked right at me. “Especially you, Bastian.”

“Sky—”

“You relapsed because of me!” she yelled. “You suffered because of me!”

“What I did isn’t on you. It’s on me, my choices, my responsibility.”

“No, it was me. I did that to you. If I hadn’t come into your life and—”

“Stop!” I yelled too, bursting off my stool and striding to her in my urgency and the vehemence rolling through me that this was becoming an obstacle to fixing things, to having the woman I loved back with us. “What happened to me, not being able to handle it, was because of me, Sky. Because of the decision I made long before you came along to completely shut down. I told myself at the time that it was the only way through, the only way to handle what was eating me alive back then, the addiction and everything that triggered all of it, losing my dad, being left in that house without his influence and, instead, with my nightmare of a mother and brother. But, really, it was the easy way out and a cop out. By doing that, I wasn’t dealing with any of it. I wasn’t feeling anything. I wasn’t living, just existing.”

I looked out at Caspian and Caleb who were nodding along in agreement.

I zeroed back in on Sky and her rapt attention on what I was saying.

“Then you came along and the pull to you was fucking intense. I couldn’t shake it and it just grew stronger with every fucking time we came into contact. It was the first time that I actually wanted to forgo the whole shut down thing, to actually feel again.” I smiled and took her hand. “You inspired that in me. You brought me back to life, beautiful.” The confession was bittersweet as I had to follow it up with admitting, “And, you’re right, I couldn’t handle it. But that was because of that choice I made to shut down for so long.” I squeezed her hand gently. “I haven’t done that at all these last two years. I’ve remained open. And, yeah, it’s been hard, but it’s also been worth it. And now that you’re back here, it’s even more so. I’m different now, I’m ready for us.”

She pulled her hand from mine. “I’m not. I’m… broken. The things I’ve done… fucked-up things, dark and brutal things…”

“We’re all guilty of that,” Caleb said, coming over, with Caspian remaining on his stool at the breakfast bar looking on in that studious and assessing way of his. What was he picking up on beyond the obvious?

Cal stepped up to my side and told her, “Remember just before we revealed The Jackals to you, what you said to us when Bastian made sure you knew what you were getting yourself into?”

“I don’t—”

I cut off her denial and recited those words to her. Words that were infamous to all three of us.

“I don’t want out. I’ve never belonged anywhere. I’ve always been a loner, through and through. I just never found people who I fit with, who I could connect with, who’d see that messed-up side of me and accept it. But with you guys, you don’t just accept it, you relish it. You want it, you want all of me—the good, the bad, and the twisted.” I eyed her. “That’s what you told us, what you meant with every fucking thing you had. And that kind of thing doesn’t change, Sky. It’s a fundamental fucking element.”

“We’re already well aware of what you’ve done,” Cas spoke.

Her head swung toward him. “You managed to find me, yes, but knowing that? How the—”

“My reach extends beyond the city borders these days.”

“Because of your alliance with Dante Mancini?”

“Partially,” he answered cryptically.

And that was all he was going to do until he was sure she was with us again.

Sure enough, he moved away from her queries and redirected back to the main issue at hand, telling her, “All three of us are aware of every little detail of what you’ve done in your pursuit of Jett. None of us would judge anything like that. We were The Jackals for years, don’t forget. And in the beginning it was wholly brutal and much less restrained. We were out for blood, through and through. It was far more about punishment and pain than justice back then.”

“Yeah, none of that shit is gonna have us turning away or looking at you with disgust,” Cal told her. “Remember what I did to Jett’s guys two years back? I mean, fuck, that was some twisted and fucked-up shit right there.”

I stepped closer to her. “We walk in the dark, Sky. We always have. Being who we are and what comes along with that, we always will in some shape or form.”

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