Page 74 of Hate Me

“When you tracked me down during those first few months and tried to pull me back in, I wasn’t ready, I still hadn’t gotten a handle on that fucked-up part of me that had been unleashed during that massacre of Jett’s guys. Your reaction to that, to me refusing to come back to you and Bastian… it was fucking brutal, Cas. I couldn’t stomach it.”

“So you decided to drop off the face of the earth?”

“I had to purge all that shit. And the disappointment and pressure from you wasn’t helping, so I had to force a complete disconnect. With your reach and resources, the only option for me was to disappear for a while, to take on that alias of Clark Rothchild. Turned out, after a few months, I could’ve dropped that alias, because you stopped looking altogether, just gave up on me.”

“That’s what you think?”

“It’s what happened.”

“I had to stop, Caleb. It was driving me insane not having you here, then losing track of you. You did worse to me, you went on to live your life for two years without a care for what was taking place back here, you completely moved on with no looking back.”

“That’s not true.”

“Please. I know what you were up to now, thanks to Dante’s inside man. I know you even went the vigilante route on your own, despite the slap in the face it was to us and our Jackals operations.”

“That wasn’t for me.”

“What?”

“That vigilante stuff was necessary. It wasn’t me unleashing all my shit. It had a definitive purpose. I did it for you.” I watched as he pulled his phone out of his aviator jacket. He scrolled on it for a moment, then slid it across the table toward me.

I snatched it up and found a list of forty odd names.

“Look into them. Run them by Mancini too. You’ll get it then.”

“Or how about you just tell me?”

“And you’ll simply believe me? Your attitude would seem to indicate otherwise. Making a fight and struggle out of every little thing I say and do.”

I sucked in a breath and took a step back. “Tell me. I’m listening.”

He fired up a smoke, glaring at me for a moment, knowing I didn’t like it in the house. Little bastard. I gave him a look, letting him know he’d be punished for that. He merely smirked, clearly trying to remind me that he’d only like that.

He was the only one who could withstand my wrath.

I wasn’t used to it anymore, to handling it, with him having been gone for so long.

He took a long drag, then settled in and told me, “During my time at the church, one of the new parishioners came to me informing me that they’d heard your name around the city where I was at. This guy was somebody who was trying to repent for a life of crime, owning several gambling dens that attracted some of the worst assholes in the city. When he’d been in the process of closing down one of his gambling dens, that last night there he’d heard a bunch of people talking about you. The parishioner himself recognized my name in connection with yours and came to warn me.”

“Warn you about what?” I asked, as I grabbed an ashtray out of one of the cabinets and put it down in front of him.

“These guys he’d overheard were big-time drug traffickers who’d been approached by Elijah Bane and were given the money and means to move into the arms trade through coming at you. There was a whole plan in the works to take your shipments, to weaken you, Cas. So, I intervened. I tried to turn them, but they weren’t having it, so I took them out. Five of them. That wasn’t the end of it either. I had my ear to the ground after that and stopped a bunch of them. Elijah’s influence was all over the place. The biggest score he almost got was a motorcycle club that had a shit-ton of connections and impressive organization, the means to do a lot of damage to you and Rossun by extension. Fortunately, Elijah didn’t do his research properly when he reached out to them. The president ended up coming to me. He was looking for redemption too and in the process of trying to turn his club legit. He wanted the low-down on Elijah, so I told him the whole deal. Told him all about you too, how you value brotherhood, loyalty, and all that. It turned him to your side and away from Elijah’s quickly. The guy was damned honorable, fortunately. The twenty-five at the end of that list is his club. The rest are people I couldn’t turn and had to eliminate.” He blew out a breath and sank back in his chair. “So, that’s really what my whole angel of vengeance vigilante phase was all about.”

I stared at him for several long moments as I tried to absorb these startling revelations.

He stubbed out his smoke, then pushed to his feet, kicking his chair back and rounding the kitchen island toward me. “I was fighting for you even while we were apart, Cas. I just… I thought you’d given up on me and, honestly, after leaving you, I figured it was what I deserved. I wanted to get better and come back stronger to you, and not be somebody you needed to take care of. I wanted to be your partner, not your charge. I did achieve some of that. I figured my shit out, I became stronger, more focused, I have a successful set of rehabilitation facilities, I did it. But the price along the way was us. And I hate it, I hate that I needed to walk to get all of that done. I hate that I hurt you and Bastian, that I left you, even temporarily.”

I put his phone down on the counter beside me, alongside my espresso cup.

“Why didn’t I hear about this? For me to miss it is unbelievable enough, but Dante too?”

“Because, Cas, I didn’t hesitate when I realized others were out to harm you. I took care of it quickly.”

“And now?” I asked, my voice rough as the words left me.

“And now,” he said, moving so close that I could scent his familiar apple cinnamon through the tobacco. “Now, I’m not going anywhere.”

“Caleb,” I said, shaking my head.

---