Page 109 of Hate Me

Caleb: Speaking of that, my safe word with Cas is gummy worm.

Bastian: You’re shitting me?

Caspian: It’s true.

Caleb: I never use it though.

Caspian: Even when you should.

Caleb: Highly debatable.

It really wasn’t.

Fortunately, I was so attuned to him that I’d been able to gauge exactly where he was at, when he was too close to his limits, despite him thinking he wanted to exceed them when he wasn’t ready, and I’d stopped our play or taken it down several notches, because of his stubborn refusal to utter his safe word.

The only exception, when I couldn’t call it, when I wasn’t in a state to and I had to hear it uttered, was during primal play. I lost myself to it, became completely immersed in it, and it all took me over.

Knowing that was why I’d wanted to make sure Skylar had an out.

It didn’t take much to see what was going on here, why she was calling us out like this.

She was trying to prove to us and herself that she wasn’t weak, that she wasn’t the shell that Jeremy and brutal circumstances and loss and tragedy had tried to make her into.

On top of that, it seemed that she was determined to show us how much she wanted us. Us, not Jeremy. It was her way of recommitting to us.

And we were all here for it.

It had been far too long.

Doing it like this for our first time coming together sexually invited risk with all the built-up need that had been reaching fever pitch over the last few weeks.

A part of me urged me to tell her that we should reconnect in a more controlled—and safer—way initially.

But the other? The other wanted to let go.

Desperately.

Since that day when I’d allowed Caleb to take the lead and I’d felt what it was like again after so long to give myself over, no pressure, no thinking, just sensation, I’d wanted to experience it all again.

And although my role in primal play didn’t involve submission, it did involve relinquishing control in a way I really needed right now with everything going on, the burden and strain of holding everything together. Honestly, I needed to take a break, something I hadn’t needed before, especially not the desperate way I required now. This war on top of managing King, Bastian’s issues, Skylar’s, Caleb’s return, Jeremy, Jett… it had become heavier than ever, all compounding to wear me down.

But I couldn’t step back. A day of leisure here and there was the most I could do to take some of the edge off just temporarily.

Until this war was won, I just had to keep moving forward, to hold everything steady.

As a result, Skylar offering this up now was dangerous.

Passing it up wasn’t an option, though.

Caspian: Let the hunt begin.

Bastian: Fuck, yes.

Caleb: Let’s go ravage our sexy prey, boys.

Skylar: Who says I’m gonna remain the prey?

Mmm. She certainly knew how to rile us up.

---