Page 33 of Collected By the Crow

Chapter Nineteen

Cassandra

Cassandra felt dizzy.

“I shouldn’t have let things go so far.” She forced herself to watch his face fall, guilt coiling through her soul. “It was unfair of me to let this happen.”

“Why? If you care for me too, then why do you regret it so?”

“It’s not that easy.”

“Explain.” He took a step closer. She took a step back. More pain lanced across his beautiful features.

“I’m too busy with work for anything serious,” she snapped. Work was the only thing that she could control. Here was proof. The first budding relationship in years, and she’d Cass-ed it all up. “I can’t disappear here, hiding in this rotten castle with you. I just can’t.” The sad sound he made broke her heart. She knew she was the true coward when she looked away. “I’m sorry. You’ve been through so much, and I shouldn’t have taken advantage of you.”

“Taken advantage? Everything I’ve done, everything I have, I want to give to you. All of it. I want you to take this work and soar to new heights—”

“Don’t. Don’t do that. You want to give me the credit so that you can stay hidden. Not for some noble reason.” An especially cold breeze swept past. She hugged her arms around herself. “I’m not judging. I’m just saying, I can’t uproot everything to stay here.”

Her mouth was too dry to whistle at Zero. She walked to him and tugged gently on his collar. “Thank you for everything, Q. We’ll be going now, before I make things worse.”

Cass turned away, Zero on her tail.

She went room to room, gathering her things. She wasn’t sure why her hands were shaking. She’d meant every word. She wouldn’t live a life of lies. She shouldn’t have let things progress. And she did have feelings for him.

Fuck.

A selfish piece of her longed for him to take her the way he’d done those other times. With confidence and grace. The only times she’d seen him act without insecurity and hesitance outside of the lab, was when he coaxed her to let go. To surrender. Like he knew how tightly she held onto any semblance of control, even as it slipped right through her fingers. When he whispered things like, there’s nothing else you need to do right now but let go, the orgasms left her feeling light. Like she’d set down a backpack full of boulders. Ever since the first time, she’d longed to give him the same. Now she would never get the chance.

He was afraid to live life out in the open for good reason! His secret would break the world. Would break society. Should he decide to end his hiding, it would be a long, grueling process, and still he may never be accepted. Even if she promised to stand by him, it was too big of an ask. She wouldn’t do that to him.

As she gathered her things in the lab, she heard a rustle of wings. Her heart heaved an extra thump.

“Before you go,” he cleared his throat. He was close enough she could reach out and brush his gray skin, yet as distant as the far side of the galaxy. “Before you go, let me extract some venom.”

“Are you sure?”

He trudged to the smaller of the two back-up labs, never looking up from the floor. They hadn’t spent much time in this one, but she knew to follow him to the break between counters, beside the cabinet he stored extra vials in.

“Yes, but you must understand.” He came to an abrupt stop, his wings swishing together. “I haven’t drunk from a human in ages. I can’t guarantee I’ll be able to stop. That I won’t accidentally suck you dry. Or worse.”

Fear coursed through her as she considered both possibilities. It wasn’t the first time she’d thought about being Turned by him. She wouldn’t be as upset about being Turned, so long as she could see this through. As for the other possibility, well, she had to risk it. “All right. I understand. Thank you for doing this, Qadaire.”

“You were right. It could be helpful. I don’t know why I’ve resisted it all this time.”

“I do.” Sadness and guilt scraped her insides like sandpaper. He’d been used, tormented, neglected, cast aside. And here she was, using him and leaving him here, alone, again.

He turned around, looking lost. She surged forward to help, but something in his tortured stare made the gravity in the room intensify, rooting her to the spot. She diverted her attention to the way his bottom left hand leaned heavily onto the counter. He seemed reluctant as he met her gaze for a brief moment.

“I’ll need to pierce flesh and taste freshly exposed blood to coax out my venom.”

“Oh. That’s how you extract it?”

“Well.” He shoved a hand through his head feathers and down his black locks, clearly avoiding her again. “That or other stimulation. But there’s more.”

Her cheeks heated. She waited for him to continue.

“In order to isolate the healing agent, we must trick the venom into thinking this is a Turning. The first bite of a Turning preemptively injects it to prepare the body for the changes to come.”

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