I feel a sickening ache rising inside me, filled with remorse and regret.
I made a terrible mistake. I signed the prenup.
And married the wrong man.
NINETEEN
AVA
While Ned and Gabe play tennis on the court adjacent to our house, I retreat to the living room with Isa in her bassinet. A half hour later, Nurse Marley returns from her shopping excursion and, after putting away the baby items, joins me.
“How did Isa do while I was gone?”
“She slept like an angel. Never woke up once,” I lie. I’ve decided for whatever reason not to tell her I fed her by myself, or about Gabe’s visit.
Satisfied that all is well, she wanders about the room straightening cushions and dusting surfaces while I sit on the couch next to the Baby Reborn doll, finishing my protein shake.
“You know, you really don’t have to be doing that,” I tell her, feeling guilty for idling.
She smiles. “I like to keep myself busy, and it’s part of my job.”
“Why don’t you relax? We can sit and chat for a bit.” Except for the other day when I poured my heart out, we haven’t spent much time together. And the truth is, I don’t know much about her except for her caregiver credentials.
“I don’t like to socialize when I’m on the clock.”
“Just call it a break. And I insist.”
She shrugs. “Alright, if you insist.” She settles into a leather club chair across from me. I set my glass on the coffee table next to the portable baby monitor.
“Is there anything you want to ask me about Isa?” she asks.
“Actually, I’d like to find out more about you.”
Tensing, she crosses her legs. “What you see is what you get.”
“C’mon, there’s got to be more to you. You’re a beautiful woman. How old are you?” With her aloof, sophisticated beauty it’s hard to tell. Twenty-something? Thirty-something?
“Twenty-six.” Almost five years younger than me. I would have guessed older.
“Do you have a boyfriend?”
“In my line of work, it’s hard to have a social life, let alone a boyfriend.” She laughs. “Unless the cute six-month-old boy who had a crush on me counts.”
My turn to laugh. It’s so nice to have a heart-to-heart with another woman. Feeling relaxed, I continue.
“Well, what do you do with yourself in your free time?”
“I sleep…and I told you, I’m writing a movie.”
“Right, a movie that’s inspired by a true crime.” I take a sip of my shake as she nods. “I love to watch movies, but I don’t think I could ever write one.”
“It takes a lot of discipline, but it’s fun. And I’m inspired.”
“How long have you been working on it?”
She laughs again. “It feels like a lifetime. Plotting is really hard. And I’ve had to do a lot of research. I even had to take a trip to Italy.”
Italy. Where I wanted to go on a honeymoon with Ned. Venice. My heart sinks. That never happened. I ended up not bothering to renew my expired passport.