Page 5 of The Torment of Two

I love Tate. He’s perfect for my brother and really brought him out of his reclusive state. Tate fit right in with our family. It also helps he’s a therapist. This family needs lots of therapy.

Except me.

Dad says I’m perfect. I never do anything wrong and am always succeeding in whatever I do. What do I need therapy for?

Maybe he’s right.

Sometimes, when I’m about to get my period, I feel sorry for myself. I must be getting ready to start soon.

“Sounds fun,” I say, flashing him another perfect grin. “Maybe Dempsey will join us.”

My twin brother is now a coffee lover like me, Tate, and Willa. Tate likes to take credit for that win, but I’m pretty sure it has something to do with the fact Sloane is obsessed. Since Dempsey is obsessed with her, it makes sense.

“Oh,” Tate exclaims, “I forgot to tell you I hired Vada to plan the wedding. She’s hella expensive, but Jude says I’m worth it.” He sighs heavily. “The sad part is, we have to move the wedding to the fall in order to get everything I want. Jude says he’ll wait forever for me because I’m his everything.”

This time, my giggle is absolutely real. I love it when Tate preens about how much Jude loves him. It’s the truth, too. Tate’s ex was a monster, but my brother treats him like the prince he is.

“Do I still get to help pick out the tuxes you two will wear?”

Tate smirks. “Duh. You’re a bridesmaid. Part of the job.”

As he babbles about colors that would be so hot for fall, I can’t help but feel sad that he didn’t choose me for his maid of honor. I’m Jude’s sister after all. He asked Willa, and while I’m happy for her to be included, it still hurt. Even Tate, my adorable brother-in-law-to-be, has a better friend than me.

I hate that I can’t shake this icky feeling that’s coated over me lately. Since starting college, I always feel weighed down by a shroud of…something.

Unhappiness? Depression? Inadequacy?

Whatever it is, I don’t like it. No matter how hard I pretend that everything is fine or force myself to keep trudging through it with a smile affixed, it never really goes away.

I kind of wish I could schedule a meeting with Tate. An official meeting where I brain dump everything that’s bothering me so he can quickly tell me how to fix it. Once it’s fixed, I can move along business as usual.

Tate stops talking mid-sentence and frowns. “Something’s up, Gem.”

“Nothing’s up,” I say with another fake grin. “I just had this horrible thought of you choosing yellow.”

Tate’s lip curls up. “Ew. No. Don’t worry. I’m leaning toward lavender. Wouldn’t Jude look so hot in lavender?”

It’s my turn to balk. “Ew. Wrong bridesmaid to talk about that stuff with. I’m sure Aubrey or Willa would love to agree, but I think Jude and hot don’t belong in the same sentence. Don’t be disgusting.”

We both laugh and then Tate is being pulled away to a conversation with his hubby-to-be. I stifle a sigh and take a moment to appreciate this wild, crazy family I have. Most people would love to be me. I literally have it all: loving parents, tight-knit family, great hair, awesome car, financial means, and paid-for college.

I mean, a million people follow me because I’m a picture of perfection.

Except @TwoCanPlayThisGame.

That person claimed they could see the real me. The one beneath the polished exterior. The sad, confused, lonely girl.

Pulling out my phone, I quickly do a search for content creators who are known for positive self-talk. Once I’ve followed a few, I decide I’ll do a deep dive into their pages for answers on how to get myself out of this funk.

I can totally do it.

I achieve things all the time that seem impossible to others.

Tomorrow, school will start back up and things will get easier. I’ll be around new people, busy with homework, and free to just be me. All I need to do is get through tonight.

In the morning, I’ll be back to the Gemma everyone loves and adores both on the outside and the inside.

I’m allowed one bad day.

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