Page 80 of Long Hard Road

“She was always going to leave.” I bit hard on the inside of my cheek as I desperately tried to keep my emotions in check.

The last week with Madison had been perfect. We had spent every minute together. We’d had breakfast in bed every morning, long walks around town before lunch at the café, flirty evenings at the bar, and hot nights in her cabin. Neither of us would address the dark cloud that grew larger every morning. Neither of us suggested that maybe she could stay in Crestwood a little longer.

On Saturday morning, after the most intimate sexual experience of my life, I’d carried her bags to her car and kissed her goodbye for what felt like hours. She promised to check in with me so I knew she was safe on her drive home. And then, even though I could feel her taking my heart with her, I watched as she drove away.

“Have you heard from her?” Chase ran a finger over the edge of a piece of wood, checking for any large splinters.

“She texted me a couple of times during her stops yesterday and we talked this morning. She’s somewhere in Kansas.” The whole trip was over 20 hours by car and she had stopped around the halfway point. I would breathe easier once I knew she was safely at home in Nashville.

“Why didn’t you make the drive with her? You could’ve flown back after.”

I had thought about it. A lot. “It wasn’t an option. She had to leave yesterday to make it back in time for a business meeting and I’m responsible for the bar until Wednesday.”

“I would’ve covered for you.” Chase grabbed a measuring tape. “We all would have.”

“It was my responsibility.” I knew that if Madison had actually asked me to go with her, nothing would have stopped me. But she didn’t ask, so I didn’t offer. “Can we stop with the small talk and get back to work?”

Lily had a list of projects we needed to complete before the summer tourism rush and I hadn’t gotten to any of them while Madison was in town. I had no regrets. Even if I never saw Madison again, I would only remember our time together fondly.

“You’re a fucking idiot,” Chase snapped.

I looked up from the chair I was staining. Lily had requested eight rocking chairs for the lodge’s front porch. “Thanks, bro.”

“I mean it. You don’t even realize how bad you fucked everything up.” He slapped his hand on the wood. “Madison was your person and you just let her go. You’re never going to have that again.”

“You really fucking think I don’t know that?” My molars ground together as I rubbed a hand at the constant ache in my chest. “I love that woman. I want to marry her and start a family with her. But that’s not what she wants.”

“How do you know that? Did you ask her?” Chase blew out an exasperated breath. “Did you even tell her that you love her?”

I didn’t. I had wanted to, so many times. When she smiled at me while sipping coffee in bed. When she wrapped her arms around me from behind and smashed her cheek to my shoulder blade while I was rinsing dishes at the kitchen sink. When she shimmied behind me at the bar and pinched my ass with a playful smirk on her face. And most of all, when she was lying beneath me, gasping my name as our bodies came together.

I squeezed my eyes shut and pulled in a shaky breath. “I can’t do this right now. It’s too fresh.”

“Shit. I’m sorry.” Chase’s hand slapped my back nearly painfully. “I wasn’t trying to throw it in your face. I just want you to be happy, man.”

“I know.” I’d had to remind myself that after getting texts from Lily and Harper already this morning. They were even more upset than Chase that I’d let Madison leave. “We left things on good terms. Who knows, maybe we’ll find our way back to each other someday.”

I repeated that wish to myself a hundred times over the next few weeks. With my bartending responsibilities behind me, I started spending most of my free time working on finishing my house. Every morning, I woke to a text from Madison where she reminisced about something from our time together or she wished for me to have a great day.

At night, I would cuddle with Meadow and her kittens while I talked to Madison on the phone. She would tell me all about her day and I would listen in awe as I learned about all the balls she was juggling. From recording songs for an album to spending hours on photo shoots for magazine spreads, her day in no way resembled the way we had spent our time together in Crestwood.

She asked me a ton of questions about the house. I sent her pictures throughout the day as I worked and she gave me her opinion on things like paint colors and light fixtures. I loved that my home was starting to become our home even if Madison never lived there. I could see her touches all around me, from the green tile in the main bathroom shower to the lush curtains I’d hung in the living room. I even made sure to get her opinion before ordering my bedroom furniture because I wanted to be able to feel her presence in that bed even though I would never get the chance to sleep next to her in it.

I knew that it was probably unhealthy to stay so attached to her, but she had also become my best friend. I genuinely wanted to know how she was doing and tell her about my life. I wanted to offer words of support when she was having a rough day and say something that would make her laugh. But most of all, I just wanted her.

Three weeks after Madison left, the house was done and I had enough furniture to be able to move in. My bedroom furniture had been delivered, as had one of the sofas I’d ordered. Two days earlier, a bunch of packages had arrived while I was hanging some blinds in one of the bathrooms. I opened the envelope taped across the largest one and nearly crumbled when I saw that it was a note from Madison.

She had ordered me every conceivable kitchen appliance and gadget, cookware, and dish sets. I had told her that I’d gotten rid of all that stuff when I sold my house in North Carolina. I didn’t even own forks. I found three sets of silverware in one package. She had also ordered me a ton of pillows, blankets, and several sheet sets. All of them were luxurious and simple. Perfect for a man living alone, but also for a man hoping he wouldn’t always live alone.

I had tried calling to thank her, but she was swamped with interviews ahead of her big award show tonight. The Sullivan clan was gathering at the main house to watch and cheer for Madison. As I was using my new coffeemaker, her name lit up my phone.

“Hey,” I said, lamely answering after just one ring. There was no such thing as playing it cool when it came to her.

“Hey yourself.” Her voice was still husky with sleep. “You got everything?”

“I sure hope so because I don’t think I have room for anything else.” I looked around the kitchen and smiled at all the gifts littering my counters. “Thank you, Madison. That was incredibly sweet and thoughtful of you.”

“I knew it would take you forever to get everything for yourself, if you even bothered at all. That house is way too beautiful not to be decorated and you’re going to need that kitchen stuff to fill those gorgeous cabinets.”

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