Page 15 of Long Hard Road

It seemed like just yesterday I had held her on my hip while she peppered my face with soft kisses. It was hard to believe she was almost six years old now. It had been over two years since I lost her, but her mom always made sure I wouldn’t forget her. Either of them.

I shoved the picture between the rest of the papers and tossed them into a drawer that I slammed shut with a little too much force. I hated that after so much time, the ache in my chest was still so intense. Maybe someday it would fade, if I could just find a way to let go of the life I had been so desperate to have.

“Madison is waiting,” I said to myself, taking a deep breath. “Get your shit together, Sullivan.”

I was doing my best to convince myself that I was only spending time with Madison tonight because I was worried about her potential stalker. I told myself it had nothing to do with the ten minutes I’d spent fucking my hand in the shower this morning with thoughts of her in my head. Truthfully, she was the first woman who had stirred those feelings inside me since Fiona. It was reassuring to know that I was still capable of being attracted to a woman and not just going through the motions to get a sexual release.

I hadn’t dated anyone since moving back to Crestwood. There had been a few women I’d picked up in bars outside of town, but I hadn’t felt anything for them. I only went through the motions because I kept hoping that by fucking them, maybe I could fuck thoughts of Fiona out of my head. Maybe I could finally leave her behind. Or maybe I was too broken to ever put myself back together.

6

MADISON

Through the open curtains, I watched Nate trudge back toward my cabin. He hadn’t bothered to pull on his coat and he walked with his head down against the whipping snow. I moved quickly to open the door for him because his hands were full. He was holding a large pot and smiled happily at me.

“It’s really coming down now.”

I desperately wanted to brush the snow from his hair and shoulders but I had a feeling that touching Nate Sullivan wasn’t something I’d recover from for a long time. “What’s that?” I asked instead, nodding toward the cookware.

“Famous Sullivan recipe.” He kicked off the wet boots that he hadn’t bothered tying and headed straight toward the kitchen. “My brother, Evan, takes a lot of pride in this stew. He always makes a huge batch and pities me with leftovers.” Nate placed the pot on the stovetop and looked at me with distress. “Shit. I should’ve asked if you eat meat or have any allergies or anything.”

“No allergies except for seasonal. Damn pollen. And I’m a carnivore.”

“Whew.” He flipped the knob until the burner sparked and then adjusted it to a medium setting. “It will take a little while for this to heat up.”

“Here.” I held out one of the drinks. “This should warm you up.”

Nate brushed a hand over his head, melting the flakes into his hair. The tips of his ears were as red as his cheeks. “Thanks.”

“So… you have a brother who makes stew and a sister who runs a bookstore. Any other Sullivan siblings I should know about?” It felt a little unfair to pry into his personal life when I’d been so adamant about avoiding discussing my own.

“Too many.” He shook his head at the thought. “I’m one of six biological kids. The oldest is Evan, the sponsor of our dinner. Next is my brother Brent. He works in politics and doesn’t make it back to Crestwood often. Then there’s Chase. He manages the guest ranch. I’m number four on the list. Harper is two years younger than me and then two years after her came the youngest sibling, Noah. Brent and Evan had a good friend growing up who became an orphan after a tragedy involving his parents. My mom and dad became Ronan’s legal guardian when he was fourteen and he became the seventh Sullivan kid.”

“Wow. That’s a lot of siblings.” I couldn’t imagine growing up in a family that large. “I just have one little sister and she’s eight years younger than me, so I didn’t exactly grow up with her. I was an only child for a lot of my childhood.”

“Sounds lonely.” Nate gestured for me to follow him into the living room where we were able to settle in more comfortably on the sofa. “Where did you grow up?”

It was a simple enough question, but I still hesitated before settling on telling the truth. “Alabama. A small town in the northern part, about thirty minutes away from Tennessee.”

“A southern girl?” Nate raised a skeptical eyebrow. “No offense, but your southern accent absolutely sucks.”

“Thanks.” I laughed and sipped my bourbon. “I had it schooled right out of me at my first acting job.” Those words just slipped out. Not a single one of them had been planned.

“When was that?” He didn’t sound at all surprised by my confession.

“I was ten. It was a cereal commercial.” I could still remember how excited I had been that day. “My mom put me into beauty pageants and stuff from the time I was a toddler. Then I got a couple of local modeling gigs and eventually an agent. Then the small acting roles.”

“You’ve been working since you were in diapers.” Nate’s eyebrows drew together. “That’s not much of a childhood.”

“I didn’t say it was.” I waited for the inevitable follow-up questions, but he stayed quiet. “Don’t you want to know why I gave up acting?”

A tiny smirk turned up his lips. “Madison, I know who you are. I’ve known since the moment you nearly scalded me with your coffee.” He reached over and flicked my hair over my shoulder. “You might have changed your look, but I’m not easily fooled, Madi Lee.”

“You knew? How?” I had never expected a man in his thirties to be the first person in Crestwood to recognize me.

“I have a niece. She’s twelve and absolutely obsessed with you. I’m starting to see why.” His eyes traveled down my neck again and I shivered when I remembered that I’d forgotten to pull on something over my skimpy top. The fire was blazing so warmly that I no longer felt the cold, but the tingle of Nate’s lustful stare was intense.

After the initial embarrassment, I decided to let him stare. Maybe I was enjoying the male attention or, more likely, I was enjoying his attention. “You haven’t told anyone, have you?”

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