Page 68 of To Crave Truly

“Stop it,” I said, but without any heat to my words.

He smiled against my neck before swiping his tongue along the length of it. “Not gonna happen.”

I laughed but it was cut short when I caught sight of Alec staring at me with daggers in his eyes. Oh, boy. I think someone needed a hug or something. I looked up at Cassian and pressed a soft kiss against his lips. “I’ll find you later. I just need to talk to Alec.”

“Cheer him up, princess. He’s been a moody bastard for far too long.”

I stood up, walked over to Alec and held out my hand. “Come with me.”

“Lori…”

“Nope. No excuses.”

He heaved a sigh, but he grabbed my hand and let me lead him out of the common room. I walked a bit further down the corridor and ducked into the training room. Alec followed, pretty much dragging his feet, and stopped in front of me before folding his arms across his chest.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, trying to get straight to the point.

“Nothing,” he grumbled, gnawing on his bottom lip.

“Really?”

“Yes.”

I heaved a deep breath and planted my hands on my hips. “Fine. Be miserable if you want to, but it’s not fair for you to take that out on the others.”

Alec rubbed his hands down his face. “I know. It’s just…”

I took a step closer, instinctively wanting to comfort him. “Just what, Alec?”

“I know what you have with them is special, and I know I’m new to the whole emotion thing but—” He broke off with a frustrated grunt.

“Does it hurt to see me with them?”

He blinked down at me, taking a step closer and closing the gap between us. “No, I just… I think I’m jealous.”

“Jealous?”

He smoothed my hair behind my ears. “Yes. There’s something about you Lori, I want you too and I’m not sure how to process everything. Seeing them happy but needing to keep everyone safe and not knowing how to talk to you or whether you were even interested in anything more with me.”

For the first time since knowing Alec, he looked vulnerable. He’d always been confident, cocky even, sure in his own skin. But this version of Alec in front of me was raw, cracked and exposed.

“What must you think of me,” he said with a huff of a laugh and a self-deprecating smile.

I reached out, but he took a step back. “I know you, Alec. Even without your heart, you were a good man. You protected me, fought by my side and for me. And now, with your heart, you are still all those things and more.”

“Lori, I don’t know if I can ever be the man you deserve. I’ve done things. Things I’m not proud of, and I’m struggling to reconcile the man I am now, with the man I was before.”

My heart broke for him, a pain that was sharp behind my solar plexus. It was like a physical blow and a gasp escaped my lips.

He hung his head, his hair falling in his eyes as he looked away from me. I couldn’t even begin to understand what he’d been through, but I knew I could be patient.

I cupped his face with my hands, pulling his gaze back to mine. “I can wait, Alec.” I brushed a soft kiss against his lips. “For you, I’ll wait for as long as it takes.”

He leaned closer, brushing his nose against mine. “Hopefully that day will come.”

Afew hours later I was back in the training room except this time I was with Edwin Garrick, the only other Shadow Mage I knew. His grey eyes, shimmering with starlight in their depths, held me immobile for a moment while he studied me. Apparently, there were only three known Shadow Mages in existence: me, Edwin and Tobias Locke. The only thing I knew about the third one was his name and nothing else.

“What are you looking for?” I asked warily.

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