Page 87 of Solanum

She choked on a sob then, nodding while holding my hands to her lips. "I thought about you the whole time. All I could think about was you. Imagining you busting down the door and saving me." She smiled sadly, her tear-filled eyes staring into mine. "Rescuing me. Sometimes I fantasize about you rescuing me." She choked on her words. "And when you came into my hospital room, I knew you had."

"I will always rescue you." I sniffled, leaning my forehead against hers. "I'm so sorry for everything. For everything that ruined our friendship and whatever else we were. I'm sorry you were alone and got hurt. I should've been there."

"You were, " she declared, and gave my hands a firm yank. "And you are now."

I nodded, cupping her face in my palms. "All I could think about was losing you. I'm so angry at Wilkinson for what he did, and how he kept me in the dark."

"He tried to protect us," she said, sniffling again when she met my gaze. "Greg told him we were sleeping together, even if at that point we weren't. He fed him information about how he couldn't keep his subordinates in line. Said he would go to O.P.R. and we would both be fired."

"What?" My stomach twisted as anger returned to me. "He didn't tell me that."

"He didn't tell me that either. Greg did." She swiped at her eyes and sniffled. "After my birthday weekend, around the time when Greg asked me out a few times and I turned him down. Remember? I didn't know that then."

I nodded as I tried to wrap my head around the information.

"Wilkinson already suspected, but he ignored us for the most part like the rest of the team until Greg started fueling the rumors. Wilkinson backed off us a little when Greg and I started dating," she said, drawing in a shaky breath. "But kept us on opposing assignments. Greg wanted me in Grays Harbor. If I was under his thumb, he could keep tabs on me. Jenson and Chin, not as much. He knew I would eventually figure it out if I went unchecked."

"And you did, honey." Astonishment cooled my tears, and I cupped her face again. "You did."

She nodded then, though her expression appeared drawn. "Too late though. Greg manipulated all of us."

"We all survived, and he didn't." I kissed her knuckles when she held on to my thumbs again.

"Yeah." She drew in a shaky breath. "I'm not sure how I stayed with him almost a year."

"Why did you?" I tucked her hair behind her ears.

"Because you hated him." She laughed a little bit. "It made you mad."

I chuckled, shaking my head at her. "Is that the only reason?"

"Not really. Maybe to punish myself a little." She shrugged after she said it. "At least that's what Anita said to me. I'm punishing myself by being with him because I was hurting."

"It makes sense." I continued to touch her everywhere I could, memorizing her beautiful face, and the curves of her petite features. My breathing slowed, my stomach stopped twisting with nausea, and my heartbeat thrummed in regular rhythms. "I have to ask you something, and I need you to be honest with me."

"Okay…" Anxiety tightened her gut and I felt it against me.

"Anita said something to us when you were in the hospital and it's eating at me."

"What did she say?"

"That she wasn't convinced that he didn't sexually assault you, Nor. Because of how they found you." Despite my calmer presentation that I managed to buckle around myself, I couldn't stop the fear in anticipation of her answer.

She shook her head, both of her hands pressed to my chest. "He didn't. He tried to once when he first tied me up but couldn't get it up." She smirked then. "So, I laughed at him because that happened to him often. I just ran my mouth and told him he was an impotent bastard who needed violence in order to fuck a woman. He did not like that. That's when he did the water thing…"

I nodded, stroking her neck and face while she leaned into my touch. "I'm so sorry, honey."

"He left me there after that. Only put me in that room and left. He didn't come back at all until Sali and Ben did. He just put those videos on and controlled them remotely. I couldn't hear very well so audio didn't bother me, and as long as I kept my eyes closed…" She sniffled and reached up to touch her ear as if the memory brought about a reminder of her physical discomfort. I followed her hand and caressed the length of her ear. "I can't remember what I said during my recovery interview…"

"I don't think you had one. I think you only talked to Sali and Anita…" My calmness seemed to fuel her narrative, and from what I knew about psychology and healing from trauma, I needed to let her talk in her own way. The importance of her story, and how she chose to tell it and when, was something I would always honor and hold the space for.

She nodded and drew in a slow breath. "And you."

"And me." I leaned down to kiss her hands again. "Thank you for trusting me with your story."

"I trust you with my everything…" She closed her eyes and leaned her forehead to mine again. "Everything."

My apartment door opened before I could say what I'd been aching to tell her for a while. We both looked up to see Anita, slightly wind-blown and wide-eyed when she stared at us.

---