Page 97 of Solanum

"Yes. A little swollen and a little damp, but that's my fault. Give me your hand," I implored, and she obliged. I guided her fingers over her own anatomy, and her lip quivered with her nerves. "See? Feels the same, right?"

She nodded, letting out a slow, shaky breath. "I panicked."

"I noticed." I rubbed her stomach in slow circles. "You're beautiful, Nor, and perfect everywhere."

"What if I'm broken? I still feel funny…"

"You feel funny because it's been a while. Your labia and bits aren't used to being swollen like they pretty much always were." I held my hands to her, and she took them, sitting up now perched between my knees. I hugged her from behind, leaning my chin on her shoulder. "Look at yourself."

She shook her head and pressed her forehead to my cheek.

"C'mon, baby…" I rubbed her now bare thigh and kissed along her ear. "I promise, you'll be okay. What's our safe word?"

"Nightshade." A soft smile broke through her tears. "And I'm reminding you because I know you'll ask."

I chuckled and squeezed her gently. "That's right. Take a look at yourself, Kitten…" And just like that, we melted into what we knew best.

At the croon of her nickname, her body warmed against me and slowly she looked down at herself. She touched a little, then finally let out a relieved breath. It killed me that all this time she lived under that kind of fear. It also angered me deeply about the injustice of it all. I couldn't murder her abuser, and I couldn't protest in the streets. All I could do was guide her through today.

"See? You're okay." I ran my knuckles over her cheek. Her sweet face, laden with fragments of fear and some relief, settled eventually.

"Yeah." She nodded, finally seeming to breathe. "I was avoiding myself even when going to the bathroom."

"Can I tell you something?"

She nodded, reaching back and caressing my face.

"After everything that happened to me, I felt the same way. That my anatomy was changed or altered or tarnished. It wasn't though." I brushed my lips over her cheek. "It wasn't at all. And so, I put a little star on top, clipped to the end of the silver loop."

"Your pussy is your Christmas tree?" She laughed at that, curling up against me with her knees tucked close.

"Sure the fuck is." I grinned and wrapped my arms around her. "And it wants you under it wrapped in pretty paper."

"You and your terrible analogies!" She laughed, unrestrained for the moment. "Ridiculous."

"Hey. You were the one who called it a Christmas tree. Not me."

"Maybe Lady Gaga a little."

"Also true." I grinned and nipped her shoulder.

"Your anatomy is perfect," she whispered against my ear.

"So is yours," I whispered right back.

"He shocked me a few times," she said, closing her eyes when she confessed what she'd been holding on to, or at least a part of it. "I didn't remember at first."

"I'm so sorry you had to endure that, Nora." I stroked her face, and she met my gaze. I fought so hard to keep myself from slaughtering the entire world for what it'd done to her. "Never again."

She nodded, her body relaxing in my arms. "What if I can't?"

"You can…" I tucked her hair behind her ears. "I thought the same. We fear we can't. We fear things will hurt, so we avoid it. It will take time. It took me a few years before I was able to have sex again, but I kept myself away from the world. You're here with me now."

"I don't want it to be a few years. I want it to be all the time. I want you to make me feel like I used to," she declared, her fingers wrapping around my shirt. "I want it. It was the only thing I had sometimes."

"I know, baby. We'll get there together." I nipped her ear, then whispered, "And then I'll make you purr all night. And turn your perfect ass deliciously pink."

A shiver raced through her, and she nodded hard. "I really liked when you spanked me."

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