Page 76 of Solanum

"They'll find her—"

"You should've fucking told me what was going on down here, Anita. Or at least someone should've—"

"I didn't know until they were sure. Wilkinson told everyone to leave you out of it—"

"It's no fucking excuse!" I rounded on her, pointing off behind me while I shouted. "That man has done everything to keep the two of us separated on the job, and I fucking get it. I do, but this…" My voice cracked when my rage twisted itself into something that felt like devastation. "Was just wrong. It was wrong."

"I know and I agree with you. Sit with me please." Anita gestured to the table.

With some hesitation, I sat down, leaning my elbows on my knees and lacing my fingers behind my neck. In her softer presence, not one belonging to my law enforcement colleagues, I envisioned missiles assaulting the shields I built around myself in the past year. Keeping myself away from Nora was the hardest thing I'd ever done. More difficult than the years spent traveling the world by myself fighting for justice. A greater challenge than making a life for myself as a teenager alone.

"Does Maya know?"

"She doesn't."

"Fuck, Anita. She's going to find out—"

"Walsh has her distracted for the time being."

"It's not okay what they're doing." I choked on my words and pulled out my phone. "I need to call her. She'll be freaked out."

"Caroline." Anita placed her hand on top of my phone, pressing it down.

"I'm telling her, Anita. This is fucked up."

"We can tell her now and have her be as upset as you, or we wait until we know more."

"You mean wait until we have to tell her that her closest family member is dead." I turned to face her, tears streaming my cheeks when the confession of my fear left my lips. "That's what you mean."

"No." Her fingers wrapped around my forearm. "It isn't."

I jerked away from her and fought the emotions that threatened to take me down with them. Anita's words didn't soothe me at all, but I knew I didn't want Maya sharing the same torture.

"This is all my fault." I sniffled, keeping my eyes focused on the cracked tile between my boots. "If I hadn't ever given in to her, if I kept up some sort of limits with her, Wilkinson wouldn't have worked so hard to keep us separated. I would've been there with her for this case. And she wouldn't have gone running to Perkins."

"Perkins propositioned her for years, Caroline," Anita's voice softened then. "With you present and without. None of this is your fault."

"It is." I rested my chin on my hand while looking at her. "It is."

"It's not." Anita shifted closer, her emotion misting her gray-blue eyes in a way I didn't expect.

I nodded, but only to end the battle, not to concede my belief. "I should be out looking for her. Where did James go?"

"To the middle of nowhere close to the Canadian border on a tip from Jenny." Anita gestured to the door.

"Fuck." I pulled at my hair. "I need to do something. I can't just sit here, Anita."

"I can't either, but it's all we've got." As before, she placed her hand on my back.

Instead of shoving her off, I simply nodded, allowing myself to slide under the situation with only thoughts of Nora on my mind.

I must've dissociated or passed out or something, because when the sound of a mug on the table startled me, the bright lights assaulted me when I looked up. Anita returned, a cup of coffee held in her palms. She nodded to the one on the table before she sat with me again.

"What time is it?"

She looked at her watch. "Almost morning."

"Fuck." I squeezed my face in my palms before looking down at my phone. "Did Roderick leave?"

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