"I won't, but it might help me understand you more."
I drew in a slow breath, contemplating my options, but decided I would go for it anyway. What did it matter at that point?
"Remember when I told you about Annabelle?"
"I do." She nodded, leaning up now so she could look at me fully. "In Egypt."
"Everything in my life ties back to two things." I held up two fingers to her. "My emancipation from my Evangelical parents who I never saw again, and my time in Egypt."
"Okay…" She nodded, her brow crinkling with determination that I recognized in her when she activated her doctor mode. I didn't point it out though, because I wanted her to at least adorn some layer of shielding.
"Annabelle and I, two queer women, traveled to Egypt alone. We weren't careful. In fact, we were excessively reckless. We tasted freedom for the first time and just ran with it, you know?" I shrugged and she nodded.
"For sure. Yeah."
"So, we didn't clamp down on our affection or how we behaved in public. We were liberated, immortal, empowered women with nothing to lose." I paused to gauge her reaction, but she appeared as steady as me. "I've told this story a lot, so I don't want you to think I'm cold or unaffected. I've done my processing of it."
"I understand. It's not unresolved to you," she said, her tone cool and even.
"Right." I smirked when she summed it up with ease. "Anyway, we were acting as we were in a small town outside of the city while on a tour. People saw us. Nothing happened then, but when we visited a second time to go shopping, the same group of men who were there when we first arrived, they followed us. We had no idea. Annabelle was chronically strong and take charge—Actually, she was a lot like Samirah in some ways. Except much less bitchy."
"In the few times I met Samirah, she doesn't seem bitchy…"
"Oh, she has a wicked streak. Trust me." I smirked at the thought. "So, these men, about six of them followed us…"
"Caroline… Where is this going?" Nora's hand moved closer to my neck and her eyes widened, dropping some of the clinical regard I hoped she would've held onto.
"Right where you expect it to go, Nor." I drew in a slow breath, now bracing myself for her reaction rather than my own. "They surrounded us. Grabbed both of us and dragged us to the side of the road. There were people everywhere and no one stopped them. They yelled in their language. Egypt is not welcoming to queer people, now or ever, and they're known for their systematic targeting of LGBTQ+ people. We didn't know this then, Nor. Two stupid teenagers thinking the rest of the world was like Seattle, and L.A., and New York. Embracing differences all around. We were stupid."
"Oh, God, Caroline." Her eyes welled up briefly, but she was able to keep a tether on herself for the most part.
"They assaulted us. Annabelle fought hard against them, while I panicked when they separated the two of us. I watched what they did to her, while they did it to me. But again, she kept on fighting. Eventually, one of them grabbed a bat from somewhere and just…" I shook my head. "I watched her die two feet from me with my arms pinned behind my back."
"Oh no." Nora's genuine reaction, selfless and laden with empathy, brought devastation to her formerly soothed face. "Did they…to you?"
I nodded, tucking her hair behind her ears while I held her gaze. "Both of us. All six of them. But Annabelle wasn't alive for most of it."
"Oh no," she repeated, and gulped down whatever emotions clawed at her. She cupped my face in her palms, her eyes darting back and forth between mine. "I'm so sorry, Caroline. I'm so sorry for not understanding what you've gone through. I asked you all those questions and the pictures—"
"Nor-Nora." I gripped her arms when her emotions escalated. "I'm okay. I need you to listen to me when I tell you why."
She nodded, sniffling but still holding my face.
"When they left us on the street, a woman helped us into her home and took care of me, while she protected Annabelle's body." This part hurt me a little bit more, remembering spending time in that small living quarter with Annabelle beside me. "I left, that same day, despite my injuries, and went to the U.S. Consulate before the hospital. I reported the crimes. I let them take all the DNA, whatever they needed, and every single one of those men were shamed as rapists and murderers. Some other tourists got part of the attack on video. Protests broke out all over the place, women rising up. I told my story, and Annabelle's, in the midst of so much anger and grief. I rallied. I took to the streets surrounded by men, women, and nonbinary folks of all classes and creeds supporting the cause. I spoke at the United Nations three times. I testified in the courts of Egypt and the U.S. and anywhere else I could. I never ever stopped telling my story. And it mattered. Not necessarily in all of Egypt, but some parts. The men might not have been arrested for rape, but they were charged with murder. Ultimately, were shamed and cast out by their community. And some other parts of the Middle East, Asia, and Africa, began evoking change. Definitely in America and the U.K. things seemed to move a bit faster. I became a Goodwill Ambassador for U.N. Women and traveled the world for years." A smile made it to my face despite the terrible circumstances that formed my experience. "I took part in rewriting human rights laws all over the world. Studied languages to help liaison with vulnerable people. Worked for INTERPOL, then eventually returned to the U.S. when recruited by the FBI for the B.A.U. All of that mattered, Nor. Annabelle's life was cut out from under her, but it made the world better for so many others."
She hung on my every word, her mouth slightly agape with her level of astonishment. Despite her tears, she remained calm while she listened to me.
"I had no idea, Caroline. No idea." She sniffled and brought my hand to her lips for a kiss. "You're incredible."
"If you scour the internet, you'll find some articles and videos about parts of it. YouTube has a few old videos up, even though most of it took place before social media was a thing. But you won't find anything under Caroline Donovan. Search for Caroline Anderson. I changed my surname," I said, folding my arm behind my head to prop myself up a little.
"I'm…speechless, Car. Totally and completely don't know what to say." She swiped at her eyes. "All I know, is that you're probably the bravest person I've ever met. Turning what happened to you into a global movement."
"That wasn't my intention at first, but it turned into a mission. Everyone knew Annabelle's name that year. Everyone. Justice forAnnabelle posters littered the streets for months. Her family was somewhat wealthy, and they started a nonprofit organization that continues the fight. They're kind of big now and world-wide," I said, allowing the smirk to return to my face. "Eventually, I wanted my own life when I felt I sought the right kind of justice for her. I needed to work differently then. Intercede before injustices happened. And that's why I loved the B.A.U. We lower victim counts by catching the bad guys as fast as we can."
"Wow." Her expression matched her explanation, and she blinked away the few tears that lingered on her lashes. "I'm just…taken away. Just completely overwhelmed by you."
"Ah." I nudged her chin gently with my knuckles. "It ain't nothin', kid."