Page 119 of Solanum

"Since she moved her office space out of Seattle and closer to Olympia, she said I could take the second office or share hers and see private patients." Nora drew in a slow breath. "When I'm ready. It would be my own schedule on my own time, as flexible as I want. I would still keep disability benefits from work and stuff…" The pain in her expression made it to her eyes, dimming their brightness. "What…what would you think if I did that? I mean, Wilkinson offered me to go back part-time without field work. I could try…" Her gaze flickered downward, and she melted away from the difficult conversation.

"Honey, I'm going to support whatever decision makes you feel the most comfortable emotionally and financially," I said, giving her hands a squeeze. She met my gaze again, her eyes welling up, but her tears didn't fall. "What is your gut telling you?"

"Um…" She sniffled, gulping down her emotions. "My gut isn't trustworthy right now."

"Okay. What's your brain telling you?" I asked. I did my best to keep myself calm and unassuming knowing how much my reaction would influence her decision. I wanted her to make a choice based on what she wanted truthfully, not what she thought I would want her to do.

"My brain says…" She turned to the computer, waving her hand at it. "My money situation is good, even without the disability and settlement. Insurance is taken care of. Maya is in a very stable place. If I were going to make a big career change, now would be the time. It's a calculated risk, but it would be a risk on my own terms."

"Okay. Now we know what brain says, what does gut say?"

"Gut doesn't want to do anything," she admitted. "Gut says that I want to stay home with you forever and never leave the house. And gut says to tell you never to go back to work. I want us to just be like how it's been these few months." She sniffled, blinking a few times but no tears fell yet. "And that if you do have to go to work, I can hang out with Sali and Maggie or Anita because they all have flexible schedules. Or I can go to yoga with Harper and Katie." She shrugged. "So, you see? Gut isn't reliable."

"Gut sounds very afraid," I said, bringing her hand to my lips to kiss her knuckles. "What does your heart say?"

"Heart just wants to be with you." Her bottom lip quivered, but she smiled through it. "All the time."

"Well, tell Heart that my heart shares the same sentiment." I smiled and leaned forward to catch her in a sweet kiss.

She warmed to me immediately and placed her palm against my cheek. "I have to find somewhere in the middle of brain and gut. Heart is easiest."

"You will, honey." I turned to kiss her hand. "Remember when heart was the hardest?" I grinned and she chuckled softly.

"I do… We were stupid."

"We were."

"When do you have to go back to work?" she asked, returning to holding both of my hands.

"Two weeks about. But that's not a hard stop, Nor. If I need to take more time, I still have another four weeks of paid leave if necessary."

"I just don't want you to run down all your time for me…" She squeezed my hands. "Maybe we can go back together. I can take Wilkinson up on the part-time non-fieldwork offer…"

"Only if that's a negotiation you feel comfortable with, Nor. Feel it out. And I will run down every second of my time for you." I stroked her cheek, brushing my thumb over her lips. "Work time and my life time. All of it is worth it for you. We missed out on too much time already."

"Ditto." She smiled and leaned into my touch, her eyes shimmering when she nodded.

I winked at her and she swiped at her eyes.

"Enough for today I think…" She cleared her throat then turned back to the computer to log off her bank account.

"I think so, too. You have some solid plans, Nor. No matter which you choose, you will do well. I'm sure of it. And I will always support you. Even if you choose not to work for a while. I am one-hundred-percent okay with that." I stroked my thumbs over her knuckles, and she shook her head.

"I don't want you to have to support me…"

"I won't be, honey. You said it yourself." I pointed at her closed laptop. "You have what you need."

"It's just…" She drew in a slow breath. "No one has ever supported me. Even when I was as young as ten, I would run errands for people in the trailer park to make a little money to buy lunch for me and Maya at school. Or to get her something for Christmas until I was old enough to do something else."

"Having your own money is meaningful for you," I reflected, and she nodded right away. "Just so you know though, if we were both broke, living in a shoe box with only the clothes on our backs, I would still be in love with you."

Her smile broadened and she hugged my hands to her chest. "I'm in love with you, too, and I would still be then, too. But I would be sad if you didn't make me pancakes even if we were poor."

I laughed and grabbed her into a rough hug. "Now that's going to earn you a spanking."

"Car!" She squealed out my name, her belly jumping with her laughter. "The last time we ate pancakes together…"

"You were riding my strap." I grinned and nibbled her cheek.

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