Page 167 of Nocere

A laugh escaped me and she snickered at my response. "Ainsley, c'mon."

"I mean it! Get Sami to come. She's been driving the struggle bus and we all know it."

"She is, but she needs to do what feels right for her. I'll bring it up to her and we'll see how we feel, okay?"

"Fair enough." She reached across the desk and gripped my forearm. "Now, how are you really?"

"The person who's responsible for all the abuse I suffered is walking the streets a free woman, I don't have a doctor anymore because we realized that we have connections on Jordan's Mermaid Chart, and my girlfriend is feeling the effects of her trauma more and more each day." I shrugged. "Peachy."

"That's a lot. Mom told me what happened at the hospital…"

"I figured she would. It must be so painful to be a person of color in this world as it is right now. And in Sam's case, a Muslim woman who suffered at the hands of hateful white men. It breaks my heart to think about."

"As it should, Rosie, because you're a good person. It isn't easy for any marginalized group. Being gay, a woman, a person of color, and Muslim—that's a quartet that not many of us can understand," she said, in her most sensitive display yet.

"Sam said that she feels more traumatized now than before. Why do you think that is?" I leaned my head on my hand while we spoke.

"Because for the first time, she's not running. And she's opening her heart for you. Her walls are coming down and of course she's going to feel more," she said, her tone thoughtful and deliberate.

"I feel like it's my fault she's hurting when you put it that way…"

"No, Rosie." Ainsley squeezed my hand again. "You're the reason she's healing. And you know what they say about a heart that's healed, don't you?"

I shook my head. "I don't."

"A heart that had to heal loves stronger than a heart that never had to. As far as the saying goes anyway." She smiled while leaning her chin on her hands. "Kind of a dreamy notion. I think it's true, though. Look at our friends. Stella and Allie, Vee and Scarlett. One or both of them had broken hearts."

"What about you and Jordan?"

"We're a little different."

"How so?"

"We grew up in a world that tried to break our spirits, not our hearts. Both of us women with mixed heritage and limited privilege, building the lives we wanted for ourselves. That kind of determination in a person requires someone of an equal determination to be successful. And here we are."

"Why do you know so much about love and life, Ainsley?"

"I'm not sure I do. I learn things from other people and how they love and live. I see patterns that make sense and I stick with it. It becomes predictable. But you know, I didn't predict you and Sami at all."

"You predicted everyone else?"

"Oh yeah." She nodded, grinning with it. "Or rather, Jordan did. She didn't predict you and Sami either."

"Why not?"

"Because you're so easy to love. Everyone loves our sweet, kind, timid Rosie. Sam is not easy to love because she doesn't allow anyone to love her."

"I find her very easy to love…"

"Because she lets you." Ainsley tilted her head while she watched me. "I think she loved you from the minute she saw you that night at our house. At first, I thought she was going to turn you into one of her conquests, but I was wrong."

"You were. You know who else is hard to love?"

"Who?"

"Caroline. She's so pushy. And says things that are really provocative."

Ainsley laughed and shook her head. "Samirah is exactly like Caroline, silly. When she walks in a room, people hold their breath because they're never sure what she's going to do or say. Both of them."

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