Page 99 of Nocere

I sniffled and wiped my eyes on my sleeve. My chest tightened and I set down the peeler. Alex reached across the table to take my hand, her brows wrinkled with worry as my breathing kicked up.

"Rebecca," called Alex, and I heard the heels of her boots hurrying across the floor.

"What's going on, girls?" she asked, sliding on to the bench beside me with her hand on my shoulder.

"Rosie is upset."

"What's wrong, sweet girl?" Rebecca immediately doted on me, rubbing my back in slow circles while I sobbed.

Panic tightened my torso, and I gripped my chest as the overwhelming emotions caught up with me. I shook my head at her and heaved for breath. In the past, my thoughts told me I was dying, that I would pass out and cease to exist, but after so many panic attacks over the years, I knew why my body acted this way. I covered my face with my hands and took in slow, deep breaths. It'll pass. It always does.

Rebecca wrapped her arms around me and kissed my temple. "Easy, love. Slower breaths," she said, her voice soft against me.

When the terrible images of my mother in front of me faded, so did the panic, leaving me only with the rattled anxiety that tore through my chest. I drew in one last breath, and looked up at Alex across the table from me. Her eyes, laden with sadness, hurt my heart a little. I glanced to Rebecca who returned to rubbing my back.

"Did you take your medicine, Rosie?" she asked.

"No. It just makes me tired."

"When was the last time?"

I shrugged and sighed, clearing my throat then returning to the potatoes. "It doesn't matter."

"It does." Rebecca placed her hand on top of mine, pressing the peeler and potato back to the table. "You need your medicine."

"No, I don't. I can handle my anxiety on my own."

"What happens if you have a panic attack at work or on the bus? Or if you feel like you can't handle things again?" She continued to press and I found myself frowning at her for the first time in awhile.

"I don't have panic attacks at work."

"What if you did?" She lifted a brow at me. "Where's your purse?"

"In the hall. I don't want to take them. Samirah will be here soon. I don't want to be tired, Rebecca. I want to have dinner with everyone and just be normal."

"There's no such thing as normal, Rose." Rebecca smirked and gave my forearm a squeeze. "Only thriving."

"This is the first panic attack I've had in weeks. I'm fine. If you hadn't told me about the parole hearing, I wouldn't have had one. I wish my mother would just disappear from the Earth so I never had to think about her again," I blurted out, my breath shuddering with the exposure of truth.

"Me too," she said, glancing to Alex who nodded. "But since that can’t happen, we can only do what we can with each day. I would really like if you took your medicine, sweetie…"

"If I have another panic attack, I will." I pursed my lips and dug my heels in about the situation.

Rebecca backed off and ran her fingers through my hair before she stood up again.

"All right, love." She glanced to Alex who offered her a faint nod.

Alex and I finished the potatoes in silence, then I set them on the stove to begin boiling. Alex kept her distance, though watched me out of the corner of her eye. Steve and Jason, both holed up in their respective man caves, didn't check on us at all.

At around three, a text from Samirah came through and I read her words while my heart set to pounding.

Hi, Rosie.

Hi, honey. You okay?

A long pause followed my question so I lifted my phone from the table and stole away to the empty study at the front of the house. Just as I was about to hit the call button, she replied.

Mostly.

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