Page 18 of Nocere

"Uck. Don't tease me. I don't know. It felt like a set up. And yeah, she's really pretty. Drop dead gorgeous kind of pretty," I told her while picking at my food.

"Did they say it was a set up?"

"They denied it."

"Do you like this woman?"

"I don't know. She's nice…"

"Which means you do. Rosie." Alex tapped on the table to get my attention. "What's the problem?"

"I don't know. I just don't trust them now… I don't trust anyone."

"You trust me."

"You're different."

"Why am I different?" she asked, helping herself to a second slice of pepperoni.

"Because I've known you for a long time. You've been in foster homes, group homes, been displaced. You get what it's like to have a shit life." I shrugged and returned to eating.

She laughed and nodded. "Yeah. I do. But that alone doesn't make me trustworthy. You trust Rebecca."

"Of course…"

"So, there's two people you trust. Who's to say there isn't more? What if—"

"What do I have in common with a doctor anyway?" I blurted out, then lifted my beer to my lips.

"Ah. There's your truth." She pointed at me with her partially eaten crust. "That's what's bugging you."

"No it isn't. They lied—"

"Nope. Nope!" Alex dropped her slice and thudded her hand on the table. I started, gripping my shirt as my heart skipped a beat.

"Alex, please don't shout. Or bang things."

"Sorry. Listen to me, Rosie. You blew off your friends because you feel like you don't fit in. Ainsley's a doctor. This new girl is a doctor. Stella's a doctor. Jordan owns a business. Alice is a super mom. Whatever it is, you always find a way to let yourself feel inferior despite the fact that you're super successful all of your own accord." Alex's lecture ended there and she dropped back in her seat, folding her arms with a cocked eyebrow. "Don't try to deny it."

Everything she said, every word, struck a chord of truth. I leaned my head on my hand and allowed the sudden uprising of tears to escape for once. Alex was like a sister to me after all this time, and her words hit me hard. I trusted her and didn't compare myself to her the way I did with the others. She was a successful esthetician as well as hairdresser. She worked hard and it seemed to be in a more relatable way.

Alex stood from her chair and crouched down in front of me, her hands on my knees. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"I was already upset," I said, shrugging. "You just said what I felt."

"I know. C'mere." She tugged my finger and I let her pull me into a hug. She gave me a squeeze and I returned the gesture. "You know," she said when I leaned back. "Ever notice how everyone else finds the love of their life except us?"

"I always thought I was just broken or tarnished. But I don't believe that's true for you."

"You're neither of those things, Rosie. I think it's harder for us because relationships take trust and learning to rely on others. We suck at that."

"You suck at picking women and choose bitches like Frankie who don't treat you right," I told her flat out. "Stay away from her, would you?"

"That's the plan. I'm tired of her yelling at me." Alex returned to her seat and continued eating. "Though the last bit of ink she gave me is awesome." She pulled up her sleeve to show me the watercolor music notes up her forearm. "Like that?"

"I do, but seriously, stay away."

"I will."

---