"More than before." She nodded and I took her hand as we returned to the kitchen for dinner.
Unlike before, Sam ate readily and joined the conversations around the table. Stella now became the quieter one of the crew, though if something bothered her, it wasn't evident in her finely chiseled expression. Spending so much time around doctors lately gave me a keen awareness to when they wore their doctor face versus a relaxed expression. Scarlett was the easiest to read of the three. Ainsley, however, rarely had a doctor face at all.
After dinner, the six of us headed to the living room where Alice lit a fire and coffee replaced wine. Samirah leaned against the arm of the couch with me tucked against her. She draped her arm over my shoulder while we listened to Scarlett tell the story of how she and Finn became so close. Following that discussion, Alice recounted how she approached her best friend Marc about donating sperm for her daughters.
"If you ask Nova about Papa Marc, she'll say, 'he helped make us be born,' which is the cutest thing to hear. They don't quite understand it yet, but I'm very happy we made that decision," commented Stella. "We didn't plan for Marc to be so involved, but when we saw how much he loved Nova, we knew we had to expand our family."
"That's such a lovely story," I said, leaning my head back on Sam's shoulder.
"Are you sure that you don't want kids, Rosie?" asked Alice, her lips curved with a smile.
Sam's fingers tensed against me until I shook my head. "I don't think so. I like other people's kids, but the thought of having to be responsible for the well-being of another is beyond me."
"Understood." Alice's gaze flickered to Sam. "Do you agree?"
"I do. I can hardly take care of myself," she answered and they chuckled.
"Same. And I don't trust myself." The words tumbled from me before I could stop them. "What if I turn out like my mother? What if I hurt them the same way?" I stopped myself then, and all of the women in the room quieted save for Alice.
"You're not your mother, Rosie," she said, her brow narrowing.
Scarlett glanced between Vee and Alice, though Stella's gaze locked on Sam.
"You're not your mother," reiterated Vee. She held her hand out to me from her spot beside the sofa. I looked between it and her eyes, before accepting the gesture. She gave my hand a squeeze of support before releasing me.
"Are you very afraid of that? Of being your mother?" asked Stella and I nodded.
"I am. I see you and Alice with the girls and Vee with Finnley. I know what good mothers look like. I could never be like that...I'm too at risk," I admitted.
Sam's arms wrapped around my middle, and her lips pressed against my ear. "You're not broken, baby. You don't hurt other people."
I hugged her arms and leaned into her as a wave of emotion tightened my stomach.
"Rosie," called Stella, rolling to her knees as she neared. "I've seen you with my daughters." Her deep sapphire eyes bore into mine. "I trust that you're going to keep them safe. I trust that you have their best interest at heart. And I trust that you would protect them, no matter what. Know why?"
I shook my head as her words scorched places in my psyche once scarred by the pain of my experiences.
"Some people who survive what you have become superheroes in their own right. I have no doubt that if it came down to it, you would protect my girls with your own life if given the choice." She gestured around us. "And the rest of us as well."
A small smile crept to my lips and I blinked away a few tears. "I would protect your girls if I could. And everyone."
"We know, Rosie," said Alice, smiling. "We know."