Page 116 of Nocere

"Have you had any flashbacks or memories lately?" Anita asked, her question delicate.

"No flashbacks or nightmares. Sometimes I remember things. I remember what those men did to me. I remember telling myself that I had to remember everything because when the police got them, I had to be able to tell all the details. I was like nine and remembered telling myself that. My grandmother let me watch crime shows when she was alive. I knew I had to give good details."

"That forethought helped you process what happened to you," she reflected and I nodded my agreement.

"Yes. And it helped. All of them got in trouble. Went to jail; some of them died. Rebecca helped me. She saved me." Emotions bubbled in my chest and my eyes welled up right away. "The memories that bother me the most is me standing there, listening to my mother bargain with each man. Negotiating my price. All of them, even though they were horrible pedophiles, treated me better than my mother. They took my hand and led me away. And I remember looking back at her, sitting there on the sofa, counting her bills or her heroin bags, pleading with her to just look at me. To change her mind and come save me." I sniffled as I let everything tumble from my lips. "She never did."

Anita sat quietly, allowing me space and time to talk out what I needed to.

"I remember thinking, this one man, he didn't touch me once. He only made me pose for pictures. I wasn't fully naked in any of them. He let me have a warm bath, he made me dinner, and gave me a nice dress." I snatched a tissue from the coffee table and dabbed at my eyes. "I remember thinking that I wished he was my father because he was kind and he cared about me more than my mother did. I knew what he was doing. I was twelve and not stupid. But that was better than the other men my mother sent me off with. If this man wanted to take care of me and just take pictures, I would be okay with it."

"What do you think about it now?"

"He was just as sick as everyone else. And that I was sick for even thinking that. But a desperate kid is going to think what a desperate kid is going to think." I wiped my nose and drew in a deep breath. "He left me alone in the hotel. That's when I called Rebecca the first time."

"What was it like when she showed up there?" Anita guided me through the memories as she always did.

A smile broke my tears as I remembered Rebecca kicking in the hotel room door. Her hair a wind-swept mess, her face a mix of horror and relief when she saw me. "She rushed into the room and swept me into her arms while a bunch of other cops stormed in. I never hugged someone so tight in my whole life. I hold on to that moment. She still hugs me like that. She loves me. I have a family. Steve and Jason love me. It's everything I've ever wanted."

We paused for a moment, until Anita asked, "What do you want to say to your biological mother, Rosie?"

"That she was never my mother. That I have a good family of which she doesn't deserve to be a part of." The surge of bravery broadened my shoulders and I met Anita's gaze.

"Then tell her that." Anita leaned forward, her elbows on her knees. "You have a voice now."

"Yeah. I do."

My session with Anita ended with me talking more about Sam and our evolving relationship. She offered nothing but support, and her warm regard to my excitement lifted me up. When we ended, she walked me to the door as always.

"Do you want to meet her?" I asked Anita.

"Do you want me to meet her?" Anita's mouth twitched as if she fought a smirk.

"Asking questions back at me, Anita." I huffed at her. "Of course."

She laughed and nodded. "Then yes. I will meet her."

"Good, because it was going to happen anyway."

I opened the door and Sam stood up the moment she saw me. Relief flooded her features and she smiled when I made for her. She hugged me right away and I kissed her cheek. "Anita wants to meet you."

"Okay, baby," she whispered and took my hand after we parted. Anita stepped into the hall, a cordial smile plastered on her face as always as she extended her hand. "Samirah. Good to meet you."

"Samirah?" Anita's expression tensed for a split second as they shook hands. "Lovely name."

"My parents deserve the credit," said Sam, her brow furrowed just the same. "You look familiar."

"I'm on staff at Providence," answered Anita as they released each other. "And U.W. Medical before that."

"Oh." Sam perked up. "I've worked at both. Anesthesiology."

"Ah." Anita smiled now, her concern seeming to fade. "That explains it."

"These formal doctor introductions are a little intimidating, I have to admit," I chimed in and they both chuckled.

"It's good to know that Rosie has good supports," said Sam, her arm sliding around my waist. She continued to observe Anita, however, her gaze speculative.

"It is, indeed." Anita smiled and met my gaze again. "See you soon?"