Page 100 of The Summer of ’98

Noah shrugged a shoulder. “I guess.”

In other words, no.

“How are things going between you guys at the moment?”

“Fine.”

“Dude,” I said, nudging him with my foot. “Maybe now is the time to think about . . . calling it quits? If you’re not truly invested in the relationship, go to college with a clean break. It’ll get messy otherwise.”

He was quiet for so long that I thought he’d fallen asleep. Eventually, he grumbled and sat up, rubbing his face with his hands.

“I don’t—I’m not really sure that I love the same way that you do,” he said quietly. “She’s my best friend and I trust her, I care about her, but . . . I still think about other girls. I see someone and I’m thinking about how to approach them and then I remember that . . . I remember that Cass would be hurt and so I don’t. I don’t do anything, but the fact that I think about it . . . that shouldn’t happen, right?”

“Attraction is normal. It does happen. Acting on the attraction is . . . not okay. But you don’t act on it. So, that’s good.”

“You been attracted to other women since Ellie?”

“Sure, I can appreciate when a woman is beautiful.”

“But do you think about going over to them and asking them for a phone number and taking them out and . . . do you think about having sex with them? Do you think about all of that when you see a beautiful woman? Is it hard to be faithful?”

He was waiting for my answer, hope in his desperate stare. He so badly wanted me to tell him that I knew exactly what he was going through. Sure, appreciating someone’s beauty was a natural thing, but the fact that he struggled so hard to be faithful, and the only reason he chose to be was because he knew it was the right thing to do, told me that he didn’t love Cass in the way that he should. It shouldn’t be hard to remain faithful when it’s real.

“No, it’s not hard for me to be faithful, Noah,” I said, honestly. “It’s the easiest thing in the world. For starters, appreciating that a woman is beautiful doesn’t immediately transpire into animalistic attraction for me. It just doesn’t. Ellie is the only woman I feel like that about. Second, no part of me would ever want to be the reason that she hurts. I don’t ever want to lose her, and I won’t ever put myself in a position that would cost us our relationship. It’s easy to avoid. I honestly don’t get how people have such a hard time just not . . . cheating.”

His shoulder’s sagged, he exhaled with defeat. “Why can’t I feel like that?”

“Maybe she’s just not the right woman for you.”

“But you like Cass.”

“I love Cass,” I told him. “That’s not my point. She’s not wrong as a person. She just might not be right for you.”

He slowly shook his head, watching the road. “If she’s not the right woman, I don’t know who could be. I love her more than any other girl I’ve ever been with.”

“You can fall in love with her,” I told him and gave him a nudge in the arm. “Proper in love. You know? It takes time and effort and all of that. But you can get there if that’s what you want.”

“I have to get there. I care about her too much to lose her.”

“Well, then you’re already heading in the right direction,” I said, proud of the fact that at least he was trying. He knew what was right and he wanted to do it. Some people knew what was right and still followed wrong. For now, I’d support him however I could.

Ellie, Cass, Noah, and I arrived at the mini-golf course and saw Amber and Eric waiting on the brick wall that circled the parking lot. As soon as we’d hopped out of the car, I went over to Eric and we grinned at each other before we hugged. It’d been a while since we’d caught up.

“How’s it, bro?” He slapped me on the back. “Or should I say Dad?! Man, what a trip. How are the little ones?”

I stepped back and saw Amber, Ellie, and Cass giggling and greeting each other with excitement. Noah sidled up beside me, hands in his pockets. “The kids are good,” I said. “Keeping us busy.”

“Yeah, I bet. How do you manage that and college? All I have is a girlfriend and I’m like, shit, this is rough. Studies and exams and papers and football. How do you do it?”

“Ellie,” I said as an explanation. “For real. She does the meals, she does the housework, she takes care of the kids. She’s a straight-up legend. During the week, I go to classes, come home and study until seven, and then we have dinner, and then I do bath time, bedtime, and help her clean up the house. It’s not a bad routine at the moment.”

“Aw man,” Eric said, “that’s so cool, bro. You’ve nailed it. Els!”

Ellie turned her attention to the sound of Eric calling out for her and made her way over to us.

“Hello, beautiful Momma.” Eric pulled her into a bear hug, and I said hello to Amber. “Leroy was just telling me about what a superwoman you are. Got shit locked down, huh?”

“I do try,” Ellie said, modest as ever. “Leroy is a huge help, though. I couldn’t do it without him.”

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