Page 61 of The Summer of ’98

“You might as well be.”

He kissed me and it was a testament to how much he meant what he said. As far as doting boyfriends went, I’d hit the jackpot. He always knew just what to say and there was never any room for doubt.

The sound of hands whipping through the water and Cass’s piercing shrieks had both of us glance over at the other side of the pool, where Noah was showering his girlfriend with strong splashes. “Tell her to get in the pool!” Noah shouted, his hand smacking the surface of the water repeatedly.

“I’m not swimming!” Cass replied and retreated farther away so that he couldn’t get her. Her curls had become flat from being wet and she used Noah’s towel to pat down her front. “I have my period and I hate tampons.”

“Thanks for sharing,” Leroy sighed with a hint of amusement.

Something occurred to me then, and I did some quick, probably inaccurate equations in my head. I’d never paid a lot of attention to my cycle. As far as I was concerned, my period came when it came and there was no use giving it a lot of attention. But I began to realize I couldn’t even remember when I’d last had it.

“You okay?”

I looked at Leroy and realized I had been zoned-out while I thought over the possibility that I could be pregnant. I smiled at him and nodded, not wanting to be dramatic, but the upturn in my stomach was making me nauseated. The mere possibility made me numb with fear.

That night while I washed my face, I went through the motions with a barely-there complex. The reflection didn’t look like me—it was pale and twisted with dread. One little match was all it had taken to start a blaze of panicked thoughts, and now I couldn’t stop imagining what would happen if it were true. How would my life change? What would Leroy say? What would Momma say? The nausea stirred in my stomach, making me curl over and grip the basin. Momma would be furious; her anger would be unfathomable. I took a few deep breaths and tried to calm down, because if I didn’t, I was going to throw up and that was the last thing I needed. All of this worry was probably silly anyway. I’d watched the girls at home fret over late periods a dozen times and it was always just their imaginations running wild.

I hoped that was the case here too.

Ellie

Thursday morning practice brought overcast weather for a change. It looked as though it might even rain. The football team and the cheerleaders seemed relieved that it was a bit cooler than usual, the clouds offering cover from the harsh summer sun. Cass sat beside me on the grass, no shades this morning, and chattered about celebrity news and gossip. I tried to ask questions and show interest. But I desperately wanted to shift the subject to me for a second.

“Cass,” I cut her off and she paused, waiting for me to speak, “I’m late.”

“For what?”

“My period.”

Her brows shot up as she leaned back and winced. At her expression, I began to panic even harder than I had been before. There was something so daunting about having another person confirm how screwed I was through a single facial movement. After a mere few seconds her face smoothed over, and she lightly laughed.

“You do realize that you’ve been here for just under three weeks,” she stated and spoke at a slow pace. “You can’t be pregnant that fast.”

“And you do realize that we had sex the first night that we met, almost two months ago,” I replied in a tone that matched hers. She leaned back and pursed her lips as she contemplated the information.

“Still,” she said. “It was one night. I doubt you’re knocked up. The odds are low.”

“I don’t really want to talk about odds. I would rather just take a test and be sure so that I can stop stressing out about it.”

“We could get a test from the pharmacy,” she said, “but don’t you want to talk to Leroy about this first?”

Cass picked the grass in front of her, the ringlets on her head whipping around her face as she stared expectantly, waiting for a response that I wasn’t sure how to give. He would be the first person that I would want to consult and confide in when it came to something so serious. But the last thing I wanted to do was panic him for no good reason.

I shook my head and gazed out at him, where he was giving orders to the team. “I’ll just do it and tell him afterwards.”

“I dunno. That seems like a bad idea. He’d want to know,” Cass argued. I fixed her with a questioning glare.

“Would you tell Noah if you weren’t one hundred percent sure what the result was?”

She flinched. It was barely noticeable, but I knew that I had her. She sighed. “Nope. He’d be pissed if I’d gotten him worried for no reason.”

“Exactly.”

“Come on, then.” She stood up and stretched her arms above her head before she pulled me up as well. “Let’s go and do this test.”

“What, now?”

“Why not?” She shrugged as we began toward the gate. “He’s occupied with practice. I’m here for support. Now is perfect. Might as well just get it over with.”

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