“Why not?”
“Because I’ve heard my brother shouting your name during sex before. It’s never going to happen.”
Noah hollered with laughter.
“That seems fair,” Cass said.
“Come on,” Leroy took my hand and we skated over to the rink entrance. Noah and Cass weren’t far behind us as we circled the floor, careful of others. The music was loud and Leroy and I held hands, gliding along to the sound of “I Wanna Dance with Somebody” by Whitney Houston.
The spotlights flashed with the beat of the music, illuminating the place with colorful lights.
“I feel like I’m in an ’80s music video,” I said to Leroy.
“You need some fluro spandex, some leg warmers, and a perm and you’d be good to go.”
“Fluro will make a comeback—it’s iconic. Just watch.”
He winced. “I hope not.”
We both laughed and did another lap of the rink, our hands still intertwined. With a quick peep behind me, I saw Cass and Noah doing the same thing. Cass had never looked happier and Noah was watching her with tender affection that I wasn’t used to seeing on him. Hope moved through me, hope that he could be the sort of man that Cass deserved.
The song switched to a slow one. Groups left the floor so that it was down to couples and Leroy slowed down, tugging on my hand so that I had to as well, and then he turned me to face him and drew us close together. My hands clasped behind his neck.
“I know we talked about how many children we wanted to have,” Leroy said as our wheels slid slowly, our bodies close. “Still two, right?”
“Yes,” I said. “Still two. Even if they arrive at the same time.”
“Okay, good. We didn’t talk about the sort of parents we want to be, though. Have you ever thought about that?”
“Hmm,” I hummed. “No, I don’t think so. I feel like I know the answer, though. I think I’d like to be the sort of mom that my kids can relate to really well, you know? And feel super comfortable telling me anything. And I’d want to do lots of baking and host all the cool parties and be the house that the kids and their friends want to hang out in. I want to be their friend, but also firm. Does that make sense? So that they respect me and don’t turn into little shits.”
“I think all parents want that,” Leroy said, his hand resting on my lower back.
“I’m being hopeful. I don’t want to be like my mom. Now that I think about it, I feared her. I don’t want my kids to fear me. Your mom and dad are a perfect example of how it should be done.”
Leroy smiled. “They’re great but Noah is an example of kids-with-good-parents-gone-wrong.”
“No, no, no,” I shushed him, looking behind me to see that he and Cass were leaning on the wall, no longer skating but kissing and laughing. “He’s making an effort to do better. We’re not going to speak negatively about that.”
He laughed. “You’re going to be an amazing mom, Els.”
“You never told me what sort of dad you want to be.”
“I want to be the sort of dad whose children watch how he treats their mother and loves and respects her. I want my example to set their standards high. If the twins are boys, I want them to know how to treat a partner. I want them to be sensitive and strong and know that you can definitely be both. And if I have girls, I want them to have high standards for who their partner will be. I want them to be anything they want to be and do whatever they want to do. Of course, it might be one of each.”
His answer could not have been more perfect. It was impossible to know how our lives would map out from here. We probably wouldn’t always have all of the answers: surely we’d mess up from time to time, and no doubt we would find ourselves questioning our own sanity. But we had the best intentions and we had each other, that had to count for something. Besides, thinking about how beautiful our family could be was a nice respite from all of the fear that I had been feeling since we’d discovered this news.
We took a small break from the rink and went back to the seating area for something to eat. Cass went to the bathroom and Leroy went to get food, leaving Noah and me alone at the four-seater table beside a jukebox and pool table. It was awkward for a few moments, terse silence that seemed too obvious for such a busy place. Finally, he swept a hand through his hair and clacked his tongue.
“Must be feeling weird, huh? Having twins and all that.”
“Yeah.” Maybe I could actually have a normal conversation with Noah. “It’s . . . well, it’s life-changing. Kind of hard to even wrap my head around.”
“Yeah, I bet.”
“I’m really happy for you and Cass, by the way,” I said. “It’s nice that things worked out.”
He gave a slow nod. “Yeah. You like music, right?”