Page 58 of Tease Me

“I know.”

“Hey, but you didn’t get caught.”

I spooned the rich cake into my mouth, rendering it impossible to answer.

“Oh, no, you don’t,” she blurted out. “Don’t you go stopping your challenge now!”

Sometimes, it felt like Lolita was inside my head because Ihad been thinking thatthis disaster may have been a sign that I should stop. Luca had been so flirtatious. Of all the guys I’d hadso farthis year, he waseasilythe one who’d given all the right signals. I’d thought he was a sure thing. After thirty-three sexual encounters, I still had no understanding of men.

“Jane.” Lolly snapped me back to the conversation.

“I’m here.”

“Tell me what you’re thinking.”

I sighed. “I just don’t get it. Luca was flirting with me last night, and I swear he was so ready to jump into my pants. Yet when I did go to him, he rejected me. It hurt, Lolly. I thought I understood men.”

“Pfft, babe, you’ll never understand men. They’re fucking off the planet when it comes to logic. You know that Mars/Venus thing. Well, it’s more like Mercury/Pluto—that’s how far apart we are whenit comes tounderstanding each other.”

“But how could I have got him so wrong?”

“Who cares? I’m amazed you’ve gone this far without a rejection.”

I gasped. “Really?”

“Shit yeah. It’s a testament to how fucking hot you look.”

I grumbled and ate another bite of cake.

“Now, you listen to me. You’ve had one rejection in thirty-four weeks. What’s that? Like, point-zero-zero-zero-sixty-nine percent?” She laughed. Math was not her strong suit. “That’s nothing,” she continued. “Men and women would never hook up if we gave up after one rejection.Thisshould just make you more determined.”

“Umm, why?”

“To prove to yourself that you’re fucking worthy, of course. That Luca guy was a loser, and he just missed out on the best sex in his life.”

I chuckled.

“That’s better. Now, it’s Friday already. You have three days to find a man with a hard-on who can keep you on track.”

We laughed together. “I’ll see what happens.”

“No, you fucking won’t. You’ll make it happen. Do you hear me?”

“Yes, Mom.”

“Bullshit, I’m not your mom. I’m your mentor, and that’s an order.”

“Okay. Love you.”

“Love yatoo.Mwahhhh.” She hung up the phone, and I forked ahugemouthful ofchocolate cake smothered in whipped cream into my mouth.

Sunday morning came around too quickly, and I was in trouble. If I didn’t find a sexual partner in the next fourteen hours, my year-long challenge was over. I’d tried heaps, but not one man who’d walked through my marble lobby had suited. It was as if all the single men in the world had suddenly gone underground.

The phone rang.“Welcome to the Hot Horizon Hotel, this’sJane, howcan I help you?”

“Jane, it’s John. I’m so sorry, but I’m going to be late. Can you cover for me?”

My already despondent mood dropped even lower. “How much later?”

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