The cowardly part of me hoped that conversation would be far in the future.
My wrist burned even in the waking world, though Mat’s mark was invisible, and I honestly didn’t know if it still held any sway over me. Maybe he never truly had. Or maybe I had misunderstood the purpose of the brand from the start. I rubbed the skin, an uneasy feeling filling my gut.
If the mark wasn’t meant to control me, what was the point of it?
Do I Get Points for Restraint?
Ewan rose soon after the sun the following morning. He brushed a kiss on my forehead as he climbed out of bed. “Are you hungry?” he asked, pulling on a pair of jeans from the floor. “I have to meet with my pack council before the general meeting later. I’ll be back as soon as I can.” He pulled a shirt over his head and rolled back one sleeve to offer me his wrist.
My throat itched at the sight of his veins. I sat up and took his arm, sinking my fangs into his skin and relishing in the taste of his warm, sweet blood pouring down my throat. He tangled his fingers in my hair while I drank, and I felt both his love and his distraction. Or maybe he was just mirroring my feelings because the dream was still too vivid in my mind.
I stayed in bed after he left and stared at the ceiling, which proved an unfortunately perfect canvass for the mental images playing in my head. I kept reliving the choosing ceremony, hearing Zeno say my name and feeling Stavros’ rage. Hatred for Illiana burned in my chest. She had told King Orrin about my trysts with Stavros. Did I blame her? Yes, yes, I did.
Those types of accusations would have ruined me had they ever left the monarch’s private chambers, a fact Iliana knew. Had that been a factor in my decision to reject Stavros? It must have been. The shame of losing the games was nothing compared to the shame of an unmatched dalliance with the Prince of the Valley.
Deep down, I knew there was more to it. I loved Ewan so wholly and without reservation, to the point that I couldn’t imagine life without him. Ever since rejecting the bond with Enzo, my passion and desire for Ewan had consumed me in this life. Giving him up was unfathomable. It would break me, I was certain of it.
And yet, losing Stavros hadn’t broken Zosia.
Had I grown weaker over my lifetimes, or had she known something that I did not? Something that made sacrificing her heart okay. Maybe it was wishful thinking on my part, but it was the only explanation that made sense. Well, the only one that I liked.
I didn’t want to relive the conversation where Zosia told Stavros it was over, but I needed to know the truth. Otherwise, that secret would continue to cast a shadow over my current bond with Ewan. I loved him too much to let that happen. He deserved better.
We deserved better.
A knock at the door drew me out of my depressing thoughts. I stilled and listened for a heartbeat. The soft thump met my ears. Magic swelled inside me for a brief second, and I knew.
“It’s me,” Winter called out, her voice muffled by the door. “Can I come in?”
I was torn between relief and terror, both wanting to see her and scared about what might happen if I did.
“Zara?” She sang my name like a question. “I know you’re in there. Please let me in.”
My body responded to her coaxing tone before my mind made a conscious decision to open the door. One second I was on the bed, the next I made the mistake of touching the doorknob. Walter’s spell put a fresh emoji burn on my palm.
“Fucking fae,” I hissed, teeth clenching as a jolt of electricity spread throughout my entire body.
Our bond made it so that I felt her through the door. My pull to her was almost as strong as my draw to Ewan and much more intense than when I was mortal. The scent of cinnamon and snow drifted beneath the tiny crack at the bottom of the door. I could practically taste the sharp bite of her blood on my tongue.
My fangs descended as an increasingly familiar ache started in my gut. Vampire brain took over, making it so accessing her blood was my sole focus.
Let her in. She’ll make a good snack. Just a taste. She has plenty to spare.
I shook my head, fighting urges I couldn’t control. Winter was friend not food. Drinking her blood was bad. Even a taste was too dangerous.
“I’m not sure it’s a good idea,” I said, voice raspy.
She sighed so loudly I could feel her eyes roll. “You won’t hurt me. You can’t.” The knob turned, and the door swung open, forcing me to jump back to prevent it hitting me in the face. “The oath you swore to me won’t allow it.”
My fangs retreated forcibly, as if her reminder was enough to trigger the response. The thirst, however, didn’t subside. Despite Ewan’s blood flowing in my veins, I was still hungry for Winter’s blood. It sang to me, punctuated by the beat of her heart, torturing me with each thump.
I tensed as she crossed the threshold and stepped foot inside the bedroom. I backpedaled until my spine hit the wall, needing to put space between us.
“Does Ewan know you’re here?” I asked.
Her gaze bounced around the room. “Not exactly.” Winter made a face. “I mean, if I’m being totally honest, he ordered me to stay away.” She shrugged out of her jacket and tossed it on the unmade bed as her gaze scanned the room, eventually landing on the lone chair in the corner.
“The general pack meeting just started, so he’ll be busy for a while,” she said, pulling the chair over beside the bed. “He is so bossy now that he’s in charge.” She patted the bed, inviting me to come closer, but I chose to stay put for the time being.