Page 53 of My Forbidden Professor

“Getting to know the real you, the incredible woman beneath the surface...it brought more light into my life than I’ve ever known. You made me feel alive in a way I didn’t think was possible.”

My throat works convulsively at the naked adoration blazing in his words. No one has ever looked at me that way before, like I’m something precious rather than an obligation to be endured. Like I’m more than just my family’s last name and all the complications that come with it.

I know what will eventually happen. What always happens.

I try to gather my scattered thoughts into some semblance of coherency. “Jacob, I...you have to understand, money changes everything. It taints people’s motivations, makes them treat me differently when they know...”

I trail off, unable to fully articulate the bone-deep weariness brought on by a lifetime of being viewed as a status symbol. He can’t be an exception to that, can he? Not really. No one is that noble.

But the certainty burning in Jacob’s eyes doesn’t waver as he takes another step closer. “Then they’re blind fools who never deserved the privilege of knowing you.”

I shiver despite the heated intensity of his stare pinning me in place.

“I’m not naive enough to think your family’s wealth won’t complicate things in ways I can’t imagine,” he continues, feather-light fingers brushing my cheek. “But I know deep in my soul that you’re so much more than just a last name or bank balance, baby. You’re everything that matters most in this world.”

His thumb grazes the curve of my lips, his touch sparking every nerve-ending into exquisite awakening. “And I’ll spend every day proving to you that my love has nothing to do with anything as fleeting and meaningless as money. Because you’ve already given me something far more precious—the chance to live and love with complete authenticity.” He plows his fingers through his hair again. “Which is why I have to tell you…God. I owe it to you to know about me. I owe it to you to know everything.”

I blink at him, thoroughly confused. “What do you mean you have to tell me something? What else could there possibly be?”

Jacob’s expression twists, lips pressed into a tight line as if struggling to find the right words. When he finally speaks, the words tumble out in a gnarled rush. “There’s a reason I stole those university funds, Steph. It wasn’t about greed or enriching myself, or using money your dad donated in good will to the university, I swear it.” Jacob lets out a ragged sigh. He paces first one way, then back before he draws himself still and returns his gaze to mine. “Marcus Sotheby, the dean...he’s been blackmailing me for years. The money was never for me.”

A creeping sense of dread slithers down my spine as my mind frantically tries to make sense of his words. But even as I open my mouth to demand clarification, Jacob holds up a hand, effectively stalling me as his shoulders round in defeat.

“Let me just...get this out in full, please.” His voice is a low rasp of forced calm, fraught with the strain of revisiting whatever fresh hell Marcus must have put him through. “You need to understand the whole truth, even if it means...”

He squeezes his eyes shut, jaw clenching hard enough that the tendons cord up in his neck. “Even if it means losing you at the end, I can’t allow you to walk away without letting you know everything first.”

Something vital twists inside me. He’s shredded. Broken. Despairing.

How has he hidden this part of him so well?

The same way I hid part of myself from him.

“I… okay.” What else can I say? The least I owe him is my attention.

He nods, swallows. Tries to speak but nothing comes out and he swallows again. Finally, he says, “When I was first hired as a professor at Midwestern, I was just some bright-eyed kid fresh out of grad school, you know? So eager to prove myself, to drink up all the knowledge and opportunities that came with tenure.” A rueful, haunted chuckle rasps passes his lips. “God, I was such a naive, arrogant little fool back then...” His gaze hooks mine. “When an old girlfriend from my hometown transferred in to finish her undergrad degree, I was convinced the universe was giving me some kind of sign. Despite growing up and growing apart over the years, I fell right back into those old thought patterns of adolescent lust and infatuation.”

I hold perfectly still, the raw anguish pouring off Jacob in waves nearly stealing my ability to breathe. He glances up at me, gaze glassy and unfocused, memory obviously replaying in his mind’s eye.

“Emily and I hooked up a few times, just heated trysts fueled by nostalgia and misplaced affection. But by the end of the week, we both recognized it for what it was—a momentary relapse into the safety of the past rather than anything substantial. So we ended things mutually, going our separate ways with no hard feelings.”

His throat works convulsively, Adam’s apple bobbing with apparent difficulty. “Only, Marcus had seen us together. And instead of dismissing it as the innocuous fling it was, he seized on it as leverage over me.”

Twisted self-loathing contorts his features into something haunted. “He threatened to destroy my career, reporting me for gross ethical misconduct and having me blacklisted so thoroughly I’d never work in academia again. Possibly even criminal charges for taking advantage of a student, even though she was twenty, weeks away from her twenty first birthday. I might have been twenty-five but I was still her professor. I’d still signed a legal document with my tenure that could send me to prison.”

My hand flies up to muffle the shocked gasp that escapes my lips, mind reeling from the gut-punch of his revelation.

“So for years, I’ve been his virtual slave,” Jacob’s eyes bore into me with all the torment of a damned soul. “Siphoning money into his accounts, fudging paperwork and financial reports, even...even outright stealing funds whenever he demanded more bribe money.”

His voice cracks then, the naked agony fracturing what’s left of his steely composure. “I compromised every ethical standard and shred of integrity I possessed to survive. Just bowed my head and let him abuse me in the blackest ways imaginable because he knew how to exploit my worst fear—not only being cast out of my career, but ruining Emily’s life in the process because he said he would name her. I couldn’t take her down with me. I wouldn’t.” His mouth turns up in a sad smile that has no humor in it. “Not that I’ve in any way gone out of my way for this, but I’m sure you can see the similarities.”

What I see is the haunted shell he’s been reduced to by years of systematic humiliation. A husk of the honorable man I’ve fallen for. But just when I think the tidal wave of anguish can’t possibly rise any higher, Jacob’s mouth presses into a grim line—a death knell that crumbles fragile hope.

“Should he find out about us…he’ll use you as leverage, too. He’ll destroy both our lives, just to line his pockets and maintain his hold over me. Only, just like Emily, it won’t be just me he has a hold over. It will be the both of us. He’s already demanded I ‘get to know you’ for more of your dad’s money.

“But you see, Steph, I’m done being his puppet. I’m done capitulating to him. Done with the hold he has over me. And if that means going to prison or being stripped of my entire livelihood, then so be it.” He inhales a ragged, shuddering breath, gaze boring into me with searing intensity. “Because I refuse to let you get dragged through my mess too. Not when I can still stop it, not when…”

His anguish cleaves straight to my soul. “Jacob.” My voice comes out a hoarse croak, scarcely more than an exhalation between us. He’s willing to sacrifice it all. His career, his future. His identity. Not for himself.

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