Page 46 of My Forbidden Professor

Something inside me stills at the emphatic sincerity in his words, the heated flood of fury ebbing slightly in the wake of that inexplicable balm he always seems to possess.

“Then know this. I could never bring myself to beg my father for help. Daniel is my problem and mine alone,” I say.

The room lapses into a loaded stillness, both of us weighing the magnitude of everything that’s slowly bled out between us in slivers and shards—volatile emotions, ugly admissions, crippling insecurities. Eventually, inevitably, Jacob seems to find his voice again. “What does that bastard have over you?”

My head snaps up, a startled laugh coming out of me. “Apart from us, you mean?”

“You’re a strong woman, Steph. He wanted money from you for some reason other than us. You’re not a person to be easily manipulated. Not unless there’s a very good reason.” He speaks quietly, but his words ricochet off the walls.

There it is, laid bare at last. The heart of it, the core vulnerability that’s had me teetering on a razor’s edge. And he sees that too.

I blink hard against the sudden burning behind my eyes, swallowing down the knot of shame constricting my throat. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Of course it matters. Everything that happens to you matters!”

I close my eyes for a moment, but no solace comes from the darkness. “Daniel knows about us—you and me. And if he’s already been extorting you, I can only imagine how much worse it will get now.”

Jacob’s eyes flare wide, panic and disbelief chasing across his strong features. “I—Your father can help, surely? He—”

“No one can help!” The feral yell explodes from deep in my core before I can rein it in, raw and torn to ragged shreds. “No one can know!”

Scalding moisture streaks unbidden down my cheeks as I curl in on myself like I’ve been sucker-punched, wheezing for air that won’t come. Because bringing my father into this debacle would force me to admit the very worst parts—the pieces of myself I’ve fought so hard to keep hidden away, preserved under lock and key.

Illuminating those darkest corners would be the ultimate unraveling. It would finally lift the veil on every dirty, unguarded transgression that would mark me as damaged goods in everyone’s eyes—my father’s most of all. I’m so tired. Of this. Of everything. If I could sleep for a decade, I’d take the magic pill without hesitation.

Jacob’s voice is a low rumble of resonant comfort as he moves toward me, hands settling like brands against the line of my shoulders. “Of course it matters. When it comes to you, everything matters. Whatever this is, however bad...we’ll get through it together. You don’t have to keep shuttering parts of yourself away from me, baby. Not anymore.”

The endearment somehow wrenches another sob from deep within me, body seeming to fold in on itself from the searing ache radiating through every molecule. Because as badly as I crave his reassurance, his promise to stand by me through whatever fresh horror is about to be unleashed, I already know the truth.

There are some things—vile, reprehensible things—that simply can’t be overcome.

“No.” I finally manage to choke out the single syllable, shoulders shaking with the force of holding everything at bay. “You don’t understand, Jacob. Daniel will never give up. He will never stop extorting us. Sooner or later, the money will be all you see. All anyone sees when they look at me now. And I...I can’t...”

“Shhh, hey...” His palms smooth up and down my arms, attempting in vain to soothe the fractured tempest raging inside me. “I would never—could never—put money before how I feel about you. About us.”

The patently earnest admission tugs at something inside me so fiercely it damn near buckles my knees. But then another terrible possibility crystallizes amid my churning thoughts, held cold instead of burning away like every other one.

“The money...” The hoarse words scrape from my too-tight throat on a tidal wave of dread. “The five grand you paid Daniel. I’ll pay it back. You’re not responsible for that.”

Five thousand dollars is a lot of money. Please let him not have endangered his entire career and reputation alongside our already-decimated relationship. Not over me.

Jacob’s tortured silence is answer enough, it seems. My leaden heart bottoms out somewhere in the vicinity of my feet as his head dips forward, weighed down by an unseen burden. When his devastated gaze finally lifts to meet mine, the truth is laid bare at last. “I don’t want you to pay it back.”

“That’s...no. It’s too much. I’ll pay you back. I’ll do it!”

“Steph, calm down. It...wasn’t exactly my money I gave him.” His voice falters. “It was money your father donated to the university’s discretionary fund. And before you even think to ask, I absolutely intended to pay every last cent back once I got the chance. I swear it, Steph. My only aim was keeping you safe, by any means necessary.”

As the ugly admission settles over us like a suffocating pall, a humorless chuckle bubbles up from somewhere raw and wounded inside me because, of course. Of. Fucking. Course. It wasn’t his money. It was the university’s money. Ultimately my father’s money.

But worst of all? The stark, wrenching realization that no matter how badly Jacob might want to stand by me through this, eventually even he won’t be immune to the disease. Eventually the stain will seep too far in and make him just like everyone else.

I brush angry tears off my cheeks and finally rasp out. “I was happy when no one knew who I was. Happy because no one could use me, because when it comes down to it, that’s all I’ll get. It always comes down to money. Money and betrayal. Money taints. Money ruins. Well, now you know everything. I’ll pay you back, Jacob. The last thing I want is for you to be tainted with my father’s money. Daniel already has enough leverage over us.”

“Don’t say it.” Jacob cuts me off with a hoarse, vehement rasp, gripping my upper arms and giving me a slight shake as if he can rattle the truth into me through sheer force of will. “Don’t you dare say or even think that I could ever look at you and see nothing but who you really are. You are so, so much more than that to me.”

“You already do.” My mouth twists in a semblance of a smile. I shake my head and pull from his grip. My throat closes. I swallow hard, then force the words out. “All we can do is control the damage but we can’t give him any more ammunition. It’s over, Jacob. You and me and everything we have...had. It’s over.”

Chapter Twenty

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