Page 78 of Ivory Oath

For all I know, I was never pregnant. The first test could have been a false positive and the few symptoms I did have were all in my head.

I might be heartbroken over something that never existed.

But when I close my eyes, I can still feel Mikhail’s warm hand pressed to my stomach underneath the covers. He was excited. He wanted this.

I wanted this, too.

Whether the baby was real or not, the future we were painting was achingly real. And now it’s shattered.

“Mama.” Dante shakes my arm and I blink. He’s standing in front of me and I have no idea how long he’s been there.

“Sorry, bud. What?”

“I’m hungry,” he repeats. “My stomach keeps growling at me.”

Great work, Viviana. Get so lost in your head that you let the child you do have go hungry.

“That’s a problem we can solve. Let’s go find something to warm up.”

Anatoly and Raoul chose a replacement for Pyotr while we were at the cabin, but they haven’t hired anyone to replace Stella. I don’t think Anatoly is ready for someone else to fill her shoes. I get it; I’m not ready, either.

In the meantime, a chef has been delivering meal-prepped dishes every morning that we can warm up. Tonight’s offering is chicken piccata and roasted asparagus.

Dante wrinkles his nose as soon as I peel back the lid. “What are those?” He pokes at a caper and then flicks the sauce off the end of his finger. “It’s disgusting.”

“It’s not disgusting. You like chicken and pasta.”

“I want the chicken Daddy made,” he says. “At the cabin.”

The image of Mikhail standing at the counter, a knife in one hand and a dish towel tossed over his shoulder, flashes through my mind.

I want that, too.

“Daddy is busy. He can’t cook tonight. But I can warm this up for you.”

Dante crosses his arms. “I want to eat my fish. I never got to eat the fish I catched.”

“The fish you—” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Bud, we left the fish on the lake.”

He groans. “You left it? It got wasted?”

“You fell through the ice and we had to make sure you were okay.”

He frowns like he has no idea what I’m talking about. “Daddy said I could eat it. He promised.”

“That was before he knew you were going to drown, Dante! That was before we had to restart your heart!”

Dante flinches and regret floods me immediately. After days of wishing there were more people around, I suddenly wish I was alone. I’m not in a great place.

I set the dinner dish on the counter and kneel down in front of him. “I know you were excited to eat your fish.”

His lower lip pouts out, but he tries to suck it back in. “It was the first fish I ever catched.”

“It probably would have been the tastiest fish in the world. But you were our first priority, bud. We had to leave the fish behind to make sure you were safe. I’m sorry.”

His eyes are glassy, but he nods. “I’ll eat the chicken potato.”

I manage a smile. “Chicken potato coming right up.”

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