Page 88 of Ivory Oath

When I told Mikhail that Dante was asking to go to the park, he turned away from me like I didn’t even speak. Like I wasn’t there. Five minutes later, Anatoly strolled in with his keys and offered. Apparently, I’m the only one Mikhail is icing out.

I sniffle and swipe at my cheeks. “At least he’s talking to you.”

“You say that like it’s a good thing. I think the silent treatment would be better.”

“Don’t be so sure,” I mumble under my breath. “Where did he even sleep last night? Because it wasn’t in bed with me.”

I know because I was awake tossing and turning all night.

The days we spent at the cabin were a bright spot in a long stretch of darkness. Now, Mikhail thinks all of it was some manipulation. I look back on our time there and see how great we can be together. What does he see? How badly is he twisting those memories in his own head and will I be able to twist them back?

Anatoly turns to me. “What even happened with you two? You guys were the picture of wedded fucking bliss a few days ago. I’ve never seen Mikhail like that before. He was… happy.”

A few days ago. It feels like a lifetime.

“I probably shouldn’t say…”

If Mikhail wanted Anatoly to know what is going on, then he would have told him. But there’s no one else for me to talk to. I’ve been sitting with this secret—with this shame—for days and I can’t carry it anymore.

“Come on, Viv.” Anatoly rubs a hand on my back. “What’s going on?”

It’s all the encouragement I need. The truth rushes out of me. “I’m not pregnant,” I blurt.

Anatoly frowns. “Are you supposed to be?”

“He didn’t tell you that, either?” I can tell from the blank look on Anatoly’s face that Mikhail didn’t. Anatoly has no clue. “Well, great… Now, he can be mad at me about that, too.”

“Wait.” Anatoly shakes his head. “Are you—You were—What?”

“I thought I was pregnant,” I explain in a stop-and-start stutter. “I took a test before Trofim kidnapped me. It was positive, but I guess i-it was a false positive or something. I don’t know.”

“And now, Mikhail is mad at you?” Anatoly’s brows pinch together. “He’s mad at you for a false pregnancy test?”

I sigh, sinking down on the bench. “It’s complicated.”

Anatoly opens his mouth to say something, but Dante’s voice rings out across the park. “Look at me, Uncle Nat!” He’s standing on the ledge on top of the small rock wall, his fists raised over his head in triumph. “Take a picture.”

Anatoly stands up and snaps a few shots, giving Dante an air high five. When he’s done, he sits down next to me, sliding a little closer and lowering his voice. “You’re going to have to make sense of this for me, Viv. Because even my hard-headed brother isn’t unreasonable enough to be pissed at you and, by extension, me, over something like this. This isn’t your fault. It was a shitty test.”

“It’s not just the test; it’s the timing of all of it. The fact that I didn’t tell him right away.” I drop my face in my hands. “I knew for a couple days. I suspected for even longer. But things were going so well that I didn’t want to ruin it.”

He lays a hand on my shoulder. “You didn’t ruin anything.”

I choke on a laugh and gesture around wildly. “Look around, Nat. It’s ruined. Mikhail won’t even speak to me.”

“For now. He isn’t speaking to you for now. But give him time. He always comes around.”

I want to believe him, but I know better than to hope for the best. “Every time things start going well for me, they have a habit of falling apart. Maybe Mikhail and I have run our course.” The words lodge in my throat. I can barely force them out without sobbing. “We could make it work out in the middle of nowhere, but when we’re back in the real world, there’s too much baggage.”

“Baggage.” Anatoly groans. “That’s what it is, you know? Between our useless father and Trofim and then Pyotr… Mikhail has a hard time knowing who to trust.”

Anatoly isn’t saying I’m like any of those men, but that’s what it feels like. That’s what I’m afraid of: Mikhail sitting in his office, imagining me as some conniving liar who used him.

I’d give anything to rewind time a few days. I’d tell him the first time I noticed I didn’t have pregnancy symptoms. I’d bring up the fact that I only took one test and never had it confirmed. All of the little doubts that were swirling around in my head, I’d say them out loud. I’d confess everything to Mikhail.

But there’s no going back now.

“I didn’t even mean to keep it a secret from him. I was waiting for the right time. But it turns out, there isn’t a right time to dump terrible news in someone’s lap.”

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