Page 27 of Ivory Ashes

All the pieces are falling into place.

For me, that’s the ports and Cerberus.

For Helen, it’s the engagement ring that fell onto her finger last week.

“It’s a political move. The Greeks have the ports. I need the ports. Marrying Helen gets me the ports.”

“But you hate her,” he fills in.

“I don’t hate her.”

I’d have to feel something for Helen in order to hate her. Unless someone else brings her up or she’s standing in front of me, I don’t think about her.

“I feel nothing for her,” I clarify. “It’s a good thing. No feelings means things don’t get messy.”

Suddenly, Anatoly gasps and jerks around. I drop my hand to the holster at my hip, ready to take on whatever threat is coming for us.

Then Anatoly presses a hand to his heart and eases back in his chair. “Sorry, bro. For a second there, I thought Trofim was in the room. You sounded just like him.”

I drop my hand and scowl in disgust. “Watch your fucking mouth.”

He isn’t wrong, though. I’ve caught myself wondering if I’m doing the right thing.

I’d never hurt Helen the way Trofim hurt Viviana. But I’m never going to love her, either. I’m not going to give her the dream of a happy marriage I see in her glazed-over eyes every time she looks at me.

I’m not going to give her even a sliver of what I had with Alyona and Anzhelina.

If Helen hasn’t figured out what I’m offering by now, that’s her problem. As pakhan, I have bigger shit to worry about than feelings: hers or mine.

My phone rings and Raoul’s name lights up my screen. “You have eyes on her?” I ask as soon as I answer.

“Yeah. I see her.”

“Is she running?”

“I don’t…” Raoul hesitates. “I don’t know.”

Anatoly leans in, frowning. “What does that mean? How does he not know?”

I turn the speakerphone on and balance my phone on my knee. “Is she packing bags? Heading to a train station? Booking an airline ticket? For fuck’s sake, Raoul, give me something.”

“She’s at an elementary school.”

“Maybe it’s like a sanctuary situation,” Anatoly shrugs. “You know, like, when people escape the law by hiding out in a church.”

I don’t have the patience for Anatoly today. Or any day, honestly. “Last I checked, I’m not the law and an elementary school isn’t a fucking church.”

“Just an idea,” he mumbles.

I roll my eyes. “Can you see what she’s doing, Raoul?”

Viviana asked if I was married. It’s not crazy to think she might be. Sometime in the last six years, she settled down. Maybe her sweet, non-criminal husband is an elementary school teacher.

I remember the way her leg felt wrapped around my hip and decide I’ll fight a teacher if I have to. No way he deserves all of that.

No one does.

No one but me.

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