Page 22 of Tell Me Again

And I don’t think I want to, either. At least, right now I don’t.

His eyes close, and he grips the mug tighter. “C-can I, um... I want to—to say something. But it’s hard for me, and I really, really screwed up yesterday, but—” He lets out a sharp breath and then looks up at me.

From the way his eyes flit to my lips and then back up, I know what he’s thinking. That memory I’ve been fucking reliving since I first saw him in the diner on Friday night—that’s what he’s thinking. And he probably doesn’t mean to do it, but his tongue darts out of his mouth to wet his lips, and there’s this tingling in my chest.

It’s fucking hot in here again. Dammit.

“Uh, yeah, you can say whatever it is you want to say. I won’t...” Take off. Run away. Get chased out of the diner by a scary man yelling curses at me while waving around a fucking baseball bat. “Shit, Josh, what the fuck, man?”

His eyes widen, and I realize I’d said that last part louder than I’d intended. God, now’s not the time. Here, while I’m at work. But, fuck, I really need to know.

I reach up and rub my eyes with my hand, shaking my head. When I look at him again, he’s staring at his coffee, biting at his lower lip.

“I’ll listen. I won’t take off this time. But if you want to say something, say it,” I tell him, trying to keep my voice low. We’re still the only ones here, but I don’t need Mel hearing all of this either, especially since she’s got her own shit going on.

He nods, and then he sniffles as he lifts a shaky hand to swipe at his cheek. Fuck it all. Now he’s crying. And my stomach twists itself all up. God, why does this hurt even more—to see him so upset? And why do I feel this fucking strong urge to move closer so I can comfort him?

“I’m sorry, Coop,” he says after another moment. His voice trembles, like his hands, and he drops his chin to his chest with a long breath. “I’m so sorry. I screwed up, man. I screwed up big time, and I-I mean...”

It’s not much. And not specific. And really not enough. But I shiver as some deep emotion ripples through me. I can’t even say what it is. I close my eyes and cross my arms over my chest.

“It fuckin’ hurt, man. You... you were my best friend.”

If it didn’t still hurt so much, it would seem silly. Like fucking high-school drama. We’re adults now. And kids do stupid shit. So I should just forgive him and let the past be the past. Right?

God, I fucking wish it was just that easy.

“Coop!” The door to the kitchen pushes open, and Mel scowls as she glances from me to Josh and then back. “Jack’s here with the food delivery. Come help?”

“Of course,” I say quickly. And when I turn back to Josh, he’s wiping another tear from his eye and staring at his coffee again. “Sorry, I gotta get back to work.” Fuck, my voice is all soft and shit. I clear my throat. “We should hang out again, though. Sometime, I mean.”

“Yeah, I’d like that. A lot.” He gives me a half-smile, and god, his eyes just pull me in again. Gorgeous and blue and sparkling. There’s this look to them now, and it’s just so much like what I remember from when we were kids. This time, it’s my eyes that dart to his lips.

Fucking peaches and honey.

Dammit, I have to get back to work. Somehow, I manage some sort of smile and nod back, and then I turn and jog toward the kitchen.

Chapter Ten

Josh

Brenna’s hand rests on my chest, right in the middle, and she closes her eyes and cuddles up in her spot in my arms. She sighs and slides her hand up to my jawline, then stretches up to kiss my neck.

“Mmm, good morning,” she says, and she kisses me again, this time sucking gently at that same spot as she wiggles her body slightly closer. I feel her smile against my skin, and her hips press into me.

“Ah, good morning,” I reply, and I surprise myself—and probably her—by shifting my hand to her hip and applying just enough pressure to put a little distance between us.

I can’t do it this morning. I just can’t pretend today. Usually, I’d act interested. Kiss her back. Slip my hand up under her shirt and touch her where I know she likes to be touched. Back off after another moment with the excuse that we shouldn’t do any more since we’d agreed to wait until after the wedding to be more intimate. All while somehow managing to keep her from noticing my obvious, uh, lack of interest.

But today, it feels even more wrong than normal. Maybe because I’ve finally realized just how much of an asshole I’m being, lying to her. I mean, I’ve known this for a while. But maybe my conscience is finally done with all the pretending and lying and all that after seeing Coop again yesterday morning. All those feelings I’ve been burying for so long.

God, I’m just not sure.

In any case, she stops kissing my neck and pulls back to look at me, her eyes unsure and questioning.

“Did I . . . did I do something wrong?”

God, no. Shit. What the hell is wrong with me?

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