Page 88 of Tell Me Again

Josh

Traffic through Lincoln had slowed us down, and it’s just about two thirty when we pull into the parking garage of our apartment building. I’m trying not to get anxious about the time and the fact that I haven’t been able to call Coop yet. But it’s not really working.

Brenna and I climb out of her car, and it’s a little awkward as I help get our luggage out of the trunk. I’d brought my stuff home too, since I’d decided to check out of the motel early. I figure I can run a load of laundry tonight and then repack to head back to White Hills tomorrow.

But as I close the trunk and see Brenna staring at my suitcase, I realize we haven’t talked about so many things.

“I’ll stay in the extra bedroom tonight, if you don’t mind. And then tomorrow, I’ll head back, but, um, only if you’re sure you’ll be okay?” That’s the scenario that’s been playing out in my head anyway, and we’re usually on the same page about these things, so I’m really surprised when I see Brenna hesitate.

She looks up at me with a half-smile, but there’s a little pain in her expression. She shakes her head.

“You should just drive back now,” she says, and she steps closer to me and then wraps her arms up around my neck and gives me a hug.

Brenna gives the best hugs. All warm and comforting. Somehow, even with everything that’s happened the last few days, that hasn’t changed. But I can feel her shaking just a little, and my heart aches for both of us as I pull back.

“I can’t leave without knowing you’re going to be okay,” I say.

There’s something that passes between us as she looks up at me with another soft smile. And I love her even more. She reaches up and touches my cheek.

“You’ve already risked a lot, just taking the time to bring me home. I know that. I saw your expression when you came out of the diner earlier, and I’ve felt how anxious you’ve been all day.” She lowers her eyes as her hand slips down to my chest. “I’ll be okay. Really. And maybe it’s even better this way? I mean...”

Her hand drops away from me, and she steps back with a finality that rattles me. Maybe it shouldn’t. After all, my deception and lies were what brought us here.

“Bren—”

“I mean,” she interrupts, “I could use the time alone to think. And when you’re in a more solid place—with yourself and with Coop—then we can talk again. You can tell me what you want to do...” She lets out a shuddering breath and looks back up at me. “Have you thought about that?”

“Have I thought about what?” God, I’m slow today, I guess, because I’m not really sure what she means. She gives me another gentle smile.

“About what’s going to happen now,” she says. “Are you going to stay in Omaha and have some sort of long-distance thing? Or will he move here? Or will you move there? I know it’s really soon for you to be talking about those things, but I feel like long distance isn’t going to be your thing. Or his. And that’s not even considering...” She trails off and then crosses her arms over her chest.

I have thought about all of that. I had a lot of time to think about it on the drive. And she’s right. I’m not sure I’m a long-distance-relationship kind of person. Coop surely isn’t. And that means...

“I-I plan to talk to him about it this weekend.” I glance around the parking garage and then end up staring down at my feet. “That is, if he’ll... let me.”

“Good. And that’s why you should go back. Today.” She sounds so certain and hopeful, and when I look up again, she’s started to gather her luggage. “I know you’re worried about me, and I appreciate that,” she says. “But I’ll be okay here. And it’ll give me time to think about what I want too. And... and I guess I... also need to know all this heartache isn’t for nothing. I don’t want you to miss this chance, Josh. I want... I want you to be happy.”

I really hope she doesn’t mind, because I can’t not hug her again. I’m not sure I’m breathing for a moment as I move to her side and pull her back into a tight embrace, burying my head in her hair.

“Thank you, Bren. Thank you so much.”

She’s tense for a moment before she relaxes into my arms. “You should call him now,” she says as we step back again. And I nod.

“Yeah, I should. Um . . .”

“Come on.”

She grabs her luggage again and starts to lead the way toward the elevators. I pick up my own stuff and hurry after her.

***

He doesn’t answer. Not on my first attempt or my second or third. And I finally opt to leave a voicemail message, hoping that I was just too late and he’s already back to work. It’s short, and I’m stammering and not even entirely sure what I say. Probably something about how I’m in Omaha but just wish I was already back with him. And definitely something about how much I love him and how much I miss him already. And also something about how I’m about to leave because Brenna’s basically kicking me out.

When I’m finished with my stuttering ramble, I hang up and stare at the phone for another minute or so, wishing he’d call me right back. But somehow, I know that’s not going to happen.

Brenna sits next to me on the couch and wraps one arm around my shoulders. “It’s starting to rain harder. You should get going. The temperature will drop as soon as it gets dark.”

I nod, but I feel sort of numb. “What if...”

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