Page 51 of Tell Me Again

That deep ache becomes stronger when he presses his hand into mine a little and then turns his head to brush his lips against my palm.

“I don’t have to leave,” he repeats. “I don’t... want to leave.”

Fuck, I need space. And a cold shower. And at the same time, I need neither one of those things because all I really need is standing right in front of me, and I don’t want him to go.

“Please, please stay,” I say. “I-I mean . . .”

And it’s all too much again. I can’t think with him touching me, and I should be—fuck, I should be thinking. We should be talking. I think.

I don’t even fucking know. I’ve never done this before.

I pull away. Actually this time. I back up a step, trying hard to ignore that same fucking knot that tightens more in my stomach as his touch disappears from my chest and my cheek and my hand and wherever else he’d been pressed against me. And I shove my hands into my pockets so I’m not tempted to touch him again.

Then I look down at the floor so I can’t see and feel whatever’s in his expression. What I’m about to say fucking hurts me to even just acknowledge, and I’m not sure I could handle watching him react.

“I mean, I think... I think you should go, actually,” I say. There’s a rattle in my throat, though, and that deep ache in my chest again.

He lets out a long breath. “Um, okay. Yeah, if that’s what you want.”

“It’s not,” I say quickly, and I force myself to look up at him, but he’s staring at the floor now, his lips pursed in a frown. “It’s not what I want. But...”

My breath catches in my throat as he lifts his eyes to meet mine. God, he’s fucking gorgeous. But it’s more than that too. There’s something in his eyes, his expression, the soft nod he gives me that just tells me he understands. He understands, and he accepts it. And... fuck, I’m wavering, and I don’t know what to do. I look away again.

“It’s not what I want,” I repeat, “but it’s what I need. For—for now. Just for now, I mean. Fuck, I don’t know. I don’t even know what this all is. I don’t fucking know, Josh. Fuck, I-I’m sorry.”

It feels wrong—asking him to leave when we’ve just, I dunno, started to maybe get somewhere. Maybe he should stay. Maybe we should talk.

“It’s okay,” he says, and his voice is soft again. Soft and understanding.

“I just—I need to figure out—” What? What the fuck do I need to figure out that I can’t do with him here?

He steps back up to me, and he reaches out slowly and takes my hand, lacing his fingers with mine. Heat rushes through me, and I can’t breathe again as I close my hand around his. It’s so fucking good.

Fuck it. Just a little kiss. Because I’m fucking curious. Shit. Shit. Shit.

I’m not ready for this.

And I’m so fucking ready for it.

I’ve been ready for it for ten years.

My heart races as I reach up and touch his cheek again, my fingers brushing along his jawline. It feels so good. And when he inhales sharply and his eyes dart down to my lips... Fuck. God, what the fuck am I doing?

I settle my hand on his neck, my thumb rubbing back and forth lightly along his jaw. Then I gently draw him closer as I lower my mouth to his. My eyes close just as our lips meet. And god, it’s just soft and warm and this sort of hot, concentrated desire all at once. His lips caress mine, and I feel both of his hands on my cheeks now, pulling me in closer as he deepens the kiss and moans against me. Fuck, that sound. God, that’s fucking hot too.

He moans again, and it’s like another rush of heat shoots through me as his tongue darts out to taste my lower lip. It’s gentle and exploring, although there’s something underneath it all that’s becoming hotter. God, it’s all hotter and... and harder, and shit, it’s a lot.

I should pull back, but I don’t want to.

I open my mouth for him instead. And I lower both of my hands to his back. His whimper as I press our hips together sends another burst of desire flooding through me. His tongue explores my mouth, and I reciprocate. And—oh god.

I tear my mouth away from his, breathing hard. God. God, it’s just like...

“Fucking . . . peaches and honey.”

Chapter Twenty

Josh

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