Page 49 of Tell Me Again

They’re not together anymore. They’re... not together anymore. When the fuck did that happen?

“Wh-what? Y-you—you broke up with Brenna?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

I mean, that’s the question, right? She sounded perfect. Like his best friend. Like his best friend... and maybe nothing more than that.

Oh, holy shit.

He takes a step closer to me, and I can almost feel the heat from his body now. He’s so close. He frowns a little as he says, “It wasn’t fair to lie to her anymore.”

“To lie to her? Shit, Josh, what—what are you saying?”

I back up a step, and he stops, but his eyes don’t leave mine.

“Coop, I—”

“Don’t fucking say it, Josh.” Fuck, I’m not even sure what I mean. What the fuck don’t I want him to say?

For whatever reason, he doesn’t seem as confused as I am. He’s had time to think about this. Or something. Fuck if I know. But he shakes his head almost gently. Then he takes one more step closer, and—fuck. There’s this tug in my chest, and it’s the same one I’ve been fighting all afternoon, but it’s close to overpowering me now.

He has to fucking know how I feel by now. He has to.

I turn away from him because I need some space. Because I can’t fucking breathe again.

“I’m sorry, Coop.”

I’m not entirely sure what he’s sorry for. And that’s not even what I meant. Was it? Fuck, I don’t know.

He touches me then, his hand rubbing lightly up my back, and something immediately ignites. And it’s hot and burning. And—fuck.

I turn around, and he’s right there, gazing up at me with all this fucking emotion in his eyes. His hand somehow finds its way to my chest, and I just know he must be able to feel my heart pounding now, because it’s almost painful.

I back up another step, but my eyes don’t leave his.

“That kiss, man,” he says, and I can’t stop myself from looking at his lips.

I want to kiss him now. More than anything, I want it. I drag my eyes up to his again, and it’s almost like he’s pleading with me. I shake my head, though I’m not sure why.

“Wh-what about the kiss?” And then it’s there—a pain in my chest, sharp and angry. I turn away again, and my hands drop down to my sides. “You fucking kissed me, Josh, and it was—it was fucking incredible. God, I’ve never... And—and then the next day, you fucking just ignored me, man. Fucking ditched me. Like we didn’t even know each other. We were best friends, and you fucking ditched me. And now you want to bring up that kiss, like it suddenly fucking meant something to you?”

That’s a lot of words I hadn’t meant to say. A lot of words that hurt.

He’s quiet, and I feel the need to backtrack. Take the words I’d said and bottle them back up. Because I think we’d been pretty close to finding some sort of friendship again. Maybe. Or something like that.

And now there’s a thick tension in the air that I can’t even pretend not to feel.

I shake my head and move the few steps to the counter, so I can brace myself for what will inevitably end with him leaving me. Again. And fuck, I really don’t want that. Me and my big fucking mouth. “I’m sorry, Josh. I shouldn’t have said all of that. I—”

His hands are on my back again. Both of them this time. God. I’m shivering and burning at the same time as he rubs all the way up to my shoulders and then back down.

“Coop.” He says my name softly, and there’s a clear regret in his voice.

But dammit, I don’t want to hear it. Do I?

Fuck. Yes, I fucking do. I fucking want that apology. The whole thing this time.

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