Page 40 of Tell Me Again

“I’ll be back in just a few. Get you a coffee and... an omelet? With the hash browns in it?”

Another smile flickers on his lips, and he nods. “Yeah, um, that’d be great. Thanks, Coop.”

“Anytime.” I tip my head and then take off back out into the dining room.

Chapter Sixteen

Josh

I’m not sure when my hands finally stop shaking and my heart finally stops racing. It feels like maybe I’m almost back to normal again by the third or fourth time Coop comes in to check on me. He’s already brought me coffee and some chocolate pastry thing, and then he brings me an omelet—the same one I’d had the other day.

And every time he walks into the room, he’s got this kind smile for me that seems to make whatever happened out in the dining room feel like a distant memory. I wish it was only that—only a distant memory. I had no idea Brenna’s dad was going to be here, and I had no idea he’d be so upset. And I certainly had no idea him charging toward me like that, with all that anger and intent, would send me spiraling like it had.

God, if Coop hadn’t been there to step in...

There’s a light knock on the door, which thankfully interrupts that disturbing train of thought, and Coop pushes it open and steps into the room, the same gentle smile on his face that he’s had all morning. My heart starts going again, a wild rhythm that’s a bit too fast, but it’s a different feeling than earlier. Not terrifying and dark.

Coop’s smile seems to tighten just a little, and he closes the door most of the way, then says, “So, they left, finally. You’re welcome to stay in here or move back out to the dining room. We’ve got a couple other customers right now, but it’s, uh, you know, safe now.”

It’s momentarily distracting to watch his biceps flex as he reaches up and rubs the back of his neck. And it momentarily makes my throat a little dry. But the reminder of why I’m back here, sitting and eating breakfast in this tiny office at this old desk instead of out in the dining room, sobers me up pretty quickly. “Um, I...”

“You can stay here, if you want. It’s no problem,” he repeats. His voice is still so soft and kind, like his smile, and I just can’t help as a wave of relief hits me.

I hate the feeling, though. Like I’m fragile. Like I can’t fight my own battles. Like I need protecting. I mean, I know it’s more than that. And Coop knows too. That’s gotta be why he’s being so nice to me, giving me this space to calm down.

But despite the time and space, I’m suddenly rattled by another flicker of uncertainty, which seems to want to morph rapidly into panic. It’s a lightheadedness and little spots swimming in my vision, and it just doesn’t make sense. I try to steady myself with a deep breath and then manage a nod that I hope doesn’t show all my embarrassment.

“Uh, yeah, if you’re sure it’s okay, I’ll just stay here until I’m finished eating?”

It feels cowardly. Still. I mean, am I really scared of a room that doesn’t even contain a perceived threat anymore? God, I guess I am, because I’m shaking again.

Somehow, Coop seems to take it all in stride, and he just gives me another understanding nod. “Sure, yeah, take your time, okay?” he says. Then he crosses his arms lightly over his chest—which is just... another really, really good distraction. “Mel already comped your meal, so don’t worry about that either.”

It takes a moment for the words to register—because, yeah, distraction. But when they do, I’m immediately shaking my head in protest. “No, no, she doesn’t have to do that. I-I can pay. It’s not—”

“Ah, it’s already done, so you have no say,” he teases with this grin that just makes his eyes light up and—god, it’s another very, very pleasant distraction.

I close my eyes and let the feeling settle instead of pushing it away. And I try to remind myself that it’s okay now—I don’t have to lie to myself anymore. I shouldn’t lie to myself anymore. He’s kind and caring, just like he’s always been, just like he was when we were kids. And I’m... very, very attracted to him, just like I’ve always been...

There’s still this heaviness to my thoughts, though. Some sort of weighted shame and guilt, even as I try to actively reject those feelings. God, how am I going to do this? I’m not even sure what this is yet.

And now’s not the time. Coop’s still standing there, taking time out of his really busy day to help me, and I need to pull myself together.

I let out a short breath and look up at him. “Th-thanks, man. I really appreciate it. Everything, really. And uh, can you thank Mel for me too?”

He just nods, and his gaze holds mine for another moment as he bites his lower lip. It’s another of those much-too-distracting things, and I can’t help it as my eyes dart to his mouth.

God, his lips—they’d tasted so good. He’d tasted so good. I can still feel his mouth against mine, and my hand on his back, pressing us together. And it’s like this urge jolts me, intense and hot and strong, and I have to force my eyes back up to his.

Not now. Definitely not now. I don’t even know what he wants or what he’s feeling or whether he still hates me. God, I don’t even know what he felt when we kissed. We’d never gotten a chance to talk about it.

Because I’m a lying asshole who doesn’t deserve him as a friend.

Why the hell is he being so nice to me now? I have no idea, but I do know it feels like something’s changed between us.

He clears his throat and shifts away from the wall, his arms still crossed oh-so-distractingly over his chest. “So, um, I’ll just...” He inhales sharply and then lets out a slow breath. “Do you need more coffee?”

“Coffee?”

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