Page 36 of Tell Me Again

God, my heart hurts for her, even as it’s still yearning to be back in the car with Coop, wishing I’d had the courage to tell him what I’d been thinking. I nod and then crawl up to my spot, slide under the covers, and welcome her as she curls up in my arms, resting her head on my chest.

She’s asleep within a few minutes, but I can’t seem to settle enough to drift off. So I just close my eyes and try not to imagine later today, when I might get to see Coop again. But it’s not easy, and I just can’t seem to get the picture of him out of my mind.

His cheeks flushed from the cold as he’d gotten in the car.

His hair still hidden under that damn sexy baseball cap, a mess of dark curls that is so easy to imagine running my hands through.

His eyes that I just want to get lost in.

And god, his hands . . .

My whole body reacts as though remembering the last time we’d touched, his hands settled low on my chest, his lips pressed to mine.

God, this is so wrong to be thinking about right now as I’m holding Brenna in my arms for what might be the last time. So very, very wrong. I open my eyes and push away all thoughts of Coop. And instead, I let myself look at her. She seems so content and peaceful, and she really is such a beautiful person. One of the best people I know.

She’s been my best friend for nearly five years now. We’ve been through so much together, and she’s been my rock through it all—always there for me, encouraging me and supporting me and loving me. Asking nothing in return.

And all I can think as I watch her sleep is how much I hate myself for what I’ve done to her.

I reach up with one hand and gently brush her hair back behind her ear. I don’t intend to wake her—after all, I think it’s still not even seven, and she hasn’t been asleep all that long. But she stirs at my touch, and her eyes blink open slowly. There’s a gentle smile on her lips as she looks up at me.

“Good morning, beautiful,” I say, and I’m relieved when she smiles wider and her eyes light up a bit.

“Good morning, handsome.” She touches my cheek, her fingers tracing along my jawline, but then her smile falters. She ducks her head and then shifts away from me to lie on her back. “Earlier, um, were you able to help Coop?” she asks quietly, and a tense sort of awkward silence fills the room.

I turn so I’m lying on my back as well, and I stare up at the ceiling, my chest feeling tight. “Um, yeah, yeah. He made it to work on time, although he might still need a ride home after his shift. And thanks for letting me use your car. I don’t really...”

I trail off, and the silence returns for another moment, thick and heavy and uncertain, until she finally lets out a short breath.

“I don’t know what to say,” she admits, her voice uncharacteristically shaky and low. “I-I don’t know how we even start—I mean, how we even go forward from here.”

I feel her turn to face me, but my eyes are closed now, and I can’t seem to move. I don’t know where we go from here either, how we move forward, how we... separate.

Her hand slips into mine, and she squeezes gently. God, she’s so much stronger than I am. She’s so much more everything.

She takes another breath and then continues. “There’s all the wedding plans to... call off. But then there’s also, um, the apartment and the bank account and all the furniture. And—”

“—Speckles and Stripey and Dotty and Fred.”

There’s a snort of laughter, and I’m finally able to open my eyes as I feel her head rest against my shoulder and her free hand set on my arm.

“Fred’s all mine. You can have the others,” she says through another laugh.

I turn so I can see her, and she’s looking over at me with a small smile, despite the unshed tears still glistening in her eyes.

“I dunno. Fred doesn’t like you much.”

She giggles again and shakes her head. “Fred loves me the most. Although I’m not sure he’d be happy all alone.”

“Fred’s a girl, babe,” I say, grinning with her. “Remember all those cute little baby guppies we ended up with just a few weeks after we got her?”

“No. I refuse to admit that actually happened.” Brenna shakes her head and then rests it back on my shoulder with a quiet sigh. And she’s silent for another few minutes.

I’m not sure whether she wants me to talk—make decisions or suggestions, tell her... god, I’m not even sure what. But it seems unfair to assume she’s going to start all the conversations, so I take a deep breath to steady myself and give it a try.

“I don’t expect anything. I don’t, um... Everything is yours, babe. Whatever you want. The apartment, the furniture, the fish. They’re all yours.”

Her hand tightens on my arm, and I turn onto my side to face her. There are more tears in her eyes, although they’re still not falling.

---